


Legendtrapped Alpha

by Kinrah



Category: Homestuck, Pocket Monsters | Pokemon - All Media Types
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Legendary Pokemon playing SBURB, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pesterlog(s) (Homestuck), casual time travel, not all relationships are obvious or plot relevant, rayquaza needs aspirin badly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:02:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21561910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinrah/pseuds/Kinrah
Summary: 66 legendary Pokemon play a game.This was considered by everybody involved to be a bad idea, since just as they weren't prepared for what the game would ask of them, the game itself was hideously unprepared for 66 creatures with fantastic powers already who collectively got on about as well as a Pikachu on fire.Chatfic. Not entirely serious. Being rewritten as 'Legendtrapped Beta' (coming soon).
Relationships: Groudon/Kyogre (Pokemon), Latios/Meloetta (Pokemon), Thunder | Zapdos/Zeraora (Pokemon), Zacian/Zamazenta (Pokemon)
Comments: 25
Kudos: 58





	1. Johto: Here We Go Again

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is a thing. I've had it written for probably about a month now, I've had it saved as a draft on here for nearly two weeks, with really only anxiety stopping me hitting the post button. I have this thing where everything has to be perfect the first time around, even though especially with this fic that really doesn't matter.
> 
> The only thing that could possibly change now is the colors. I've been dithering the whole time over whether to include them, bearing in mind that a lot of the legendaries have pastel colors which would be next to impossible to read on a light background. This first version has a white background, text slightly enlarged, and lighter colors darkened. Please let me know how this is working out. In the event that the lighter colors (in this first chapter, particularly Suicune, Raikou and Celebi) are still too hard to read, there are three paths I could take:
> 
> 1 - Make the text even bigger. Not an elegant solution, but a valid one.  
> 2 - Invert everything. Black background, white standard text, everything'll stand out better and I can use lighter colors.  
> 3 - Remove the colors altogether and have boring black-on-white. Defeats the spirit of Homestuck's pesterlogs but in the event of total color readability failure it's the only remaining option.
> 
> But otherwise, enjoy reading about these wise, ancient beings with the mental attitudes of teenagers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> CC / catsClone: Mewtwo  
> TO / theOne: Arceus  
> BG / blazingGlory: Entei  
> BT / boltfromTheblue: Raikou  
> WC / winCondition: Victini  
> CS / crystallineSlush: Suicune  
> OT / outtaTime: Celebi  
> TM / twiceMulticolored: Ho-Oh  
> BB / beastieBirb: Lugia  
> DT / dualistTao: Kyurem  
> MS / moietySatellite: Lunala

**JOHTO**  
**Not In The Slightest / Here We Go Again / You’re Such A Downer**

CC: invitations sent.  
CC: are you really sure this was a good idea?  
TO: …  
TO: No.  
TO: Not in the slightest.  
theOne [TO] stopped pestering catsClone [CC].

* * *

blazingGlory [BG] joined memo JOHTO JENERAL on board BURNED TOWER DISCO BASEMENT.  
>You are entering Johto space. Tickets please, show your passport. There are currently [4] members and [1] guest present.  
>Break the rules, Ho-Oh’ll blow up and Lugia’ll kick you.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: beastieBirb [BB], poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: boltfromTheblue [BT], crystallineSlush [CS], current outtaTime [cOT]  
>Present guests: winCondition [WC]  
>Your current username setting is: [LONG]. Type /names short or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: we got a game to win -BT

boltfromTheblue: youre late bro  
boltfromTheblue: i messaged you what three hours ago  
blazingGlory: Yes, well  
blazingGlory: Some of us actually have things we need to be doing  
blazingGlory: As opposed to sitting around doing nothing all day  
boltfromTheblue: shut up  
boltfromTheblue: anyway  
boltfromTheblue: were here to talk about that thing mewtwo sent us  
boltfromTheblue: and how were gonna win it  
blazingGlory: I gathered  
blazingGlory: Is that why Victini’s here  
winCondition: shit  
winCondition [WC] fled the memo.  
blazingGlory: Is that why Victini *was* here  
boltfromTheblue: nah  
boltfromTheblue: ok maybe  
boltfromTheblue: theres not really an unova team  
boltfromTheblue: so we were trying to poach him  
blazingGlory: We, meaning  
boltfromTheblue: us  
boltfromTheblue: johto collectively  
crystallineSlush: No, it was just you.  
blazingGlory: Sister  
crystallineSlush: Brother.  
boltfromTheblue: and just like that the excitement drains from the room  
boltfromTheblue: seriously  
boltfromTheblue: if we have victini with us were guaranteed to win  
blazingGlory: Isn’t that because he ragequits everything he’s about to lose  
boltfromTheblue: no  
crystallineSlush: Except yes.  
boltfromTheblue: shut up  
boltfromTheblue: if we get victini on our team the game is ours  
crystallineSlush: *If*.  
crystallineSlush: Celebi, do we get Victini on our team? @outtaTime  
boltfromTheblue: suicune no  
future outtaTime [fOT] joined memo 70 HOURS FROM NOW.  
future outtaTime: nope!  
boltfromTheblue: fuck  
boltfromTheblue: whose team is he on  
future outtaTime: that would be telling.  
boltfromTheblue: its alolas team isnt it  
current outtaTime: who pinged me?  
current outtaTime: oh.  
future outtaTime: yeah.  
future outtaTime: sorry!  
blazingGlory: Here we go again  
future outtaTime: nah i’m out already. i had a quiet moment and remembered suicune asked.  
current outtaTime: so i don’t make a quick hop right now?  
current outtaTime: nice!  
future outtaTime: oh right got to do this.  
future outtaTime: @twicemulticolored @twicemulticolored @twicemulticolored  
boltfromTheblue: WHY  
future outtaTime [fOT] fled the memo.  
crystallineSlush: Celebi, your future self is a jerk.  
current outtaTime: that’s what i’m here for!  
boltfromTheblue: fuck now i gotta explain all this before he wakes up  
boltfromTheblue: so chain order  
blazingGlory: What  
boltfromTheblue: bt > cc > ot > bb > tm > bg  
boltfromTheblue: and then victini if he comes back  
blazingGlory: What are you talking about  
boltfromTheblue: sis i gotta scoot you tell him  
crystallineSlush: Fine.  
crystallineSlush: I will explain everything because you’re afraid of our father.  
crystallineSlush: I’m sure if you get going now you’ll reach the edge of the city before he notices.  
twiceMulticolored [TM] joined the memo.  
twiceMulticolored: WHAT’S GOING ON?  
boltfromTheblue: shiiiiiit  
boltfromTheblue [BT] fled the memo.  
current outtaTime: oh, you know, stuff.  
current outtaTime: raikou booking it.  
twiceMulticolored: HE WAS HERE???  
crystallineSlush: Celebi!  
twiceMulticolored: THAT LITTLE SHIT.  
twiceMulticolored [TM] fled the memo.  
crystallineSlush: Celebi, is it your fault this is all happening when father is grouchy?  
current outtaTime: love to say yes but no.  
current outtaTime: just a coincidence.  
blazingGlory: There are no coincidences when you’re involved  
current outtaTime: very true!  
current outtaTime: but hand on heart i haven’t had anything to do with the setup here.  
current outtaTime: or at least present me hasn’t.  
current outtaTime: i can’t speak yet for the future.  
blazingGlory: So what was he talking about  
crystallineSlush: Did you read anything that came with the invitation Mewtwo sent?  
blazingGlory: No  
crystallineSlush: And you wonder why we don’t get along.  
crystallineSlush: Here’s the long and the short of it.

* * *

DT: IT has BEGUN  
MS: Hmmmm. Pela no hoi.  
MS: About time, I should say.  
MS: *massive, exaggerated yawn*  
MS: Derse has been too quiet for too long.  
MS: I say quiet. Groudon is almost constantly snoring.  
MS: It should get crowded up there quickly.  
MS: While I can’t say I hate the isolation, I get enough of it awake as it is.  
MS: Eager to get underway?  
DT: NO  
DT: WE are MEDDLING with THINGS that ARE beyond OUR comprehension  
DT: IT will LEAD to NOTHING but RUIN and DESTRUCTION  
DT: THE game CANNOT be WON  
DT: IT can ONLY be LOST  
MS: You’re such a downer.  
DT: NEVERTHELESS  
DT: I will BE informing THE others THAT we WILL not BE playing  
MS: I really don’t think you’ve got a lot of choice, ka’u hoa.  
MS: We’re all of us in this, whether we want to be or not.  
MS: I suppose we can fault Mewtwo a little for not explaining everything, but I think he’s justified in it.  
MS: But so be it. If you have made up your mind, far be it from me to stop you.  
MS: *dismissive claw wave*  
MS: You may find yourself changing your tune.  
DT: UNLIKELY  
MS: As soon as I can get in contact with Zygarde again, he’ll prove it to you.  
MS: I guarantee it.  
DT: AGAIN unlikely  
MS: What’s that thing you always say to calm your half-brothers?  
MS: ‘The path to the truth isn’t always ideal, and what is ideal may require sacrificing the truth’?  
MS: You should start listening to your own advice.  
MS: For now, though, I should take my leave.  
MS: Before my own time comes I have things that need attention.  
MS: Alola.  
moietySatellite [MS] stopped pestering dualistTao [DT].


	2. Hoenn: Well-Oiled Grumpig on a Treadmill

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> DW / doctorWhom: Dialga  
> SO / surfeitObjection: Keldeo  
> TN / tenaciousNova: Latias  
> NT / nestedTempo: Latios  
> SC / skylineCrash: Rayquaza  
> NM / notaryMemento: Uxie  
> TB / tsunamiBeluga: Kyogre  
> DN / dantesNferno: Moltres

**HOENN**  
**Bootstrap / Well-Oiled Grumpig On A Treadmill / No Promises**

doctorWhom [DW] began pestering theOne [TO].  
DW: Father, I have concerns.  
TO: Don’t we all.  
DW: Palkia and I have been looking at the next few days and, well, there are a lot of temporal and spatial anomalies.  
DW: Much more than usual.  
DW: We attempted to correct them, but…  
TO: You were unable to.  
DW: Yes.  
DW: Bootstrap.  
DW: We cannot modify anything that we ourselves are a part of.  
TO: I was afraid of that.  
TO: There’s little that can be done now. We shall have to press on and hope for the best.  
DW: If I may ask, why go ahead with this in the first place?  
TO: I fear we are caught in an even larger bootstrap, Dialga, the scope of which even I cannot comprehend.  
TO: Failing to adhere to it… the consequences would be dire.  
TO: The code for this… game… we are about to play… are you aware of where it was discovered?  
DW: I’m told it was found inside some sort of ruin.  
TO: That is a partial truth. Half of the game’s code was discovered in a ruined temple some miles out from the islands of Alola.  
TO: The other half…  
TO: It was etched onto the edge of my Plates.  
DW: That’s…  
TO: Improbable, but not impossible. I was separated from them for some time, remember.  
TO: It is not, however, the most improbable part of it.  
TO: The ‘additions’ appear to be as old as the plates themselves.  
TO: And they were accompanied by an emoji of Latias winking.

* * *

surfeitObjection [SO] joined memo A VOLCANO UP KYOGRE’S ASS on board HOENN ALONE 2: ELECTRIC BOOGALOO.  
>This is Hoenn, what else were you expecting? There are currently [4] members and [1] guest present.  
>we have rayquaza. don’t break the rules.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: skylineCrash [SC], poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: tenaciousNova [TN], nestedTempo [NT], tsunamiBeluga [TB]  
>Present guests: notaryMemento [NM]  
>Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: sorry kyogre but that’s the name of this memo and i’m not changing it. -TN

tenaciousNova [TN] fled the memo.  
nestedTempo [NT] fled the memo.  
[MOD] SC: FOR FUCK’S SAKE!  
SO: um.  
SO: bad time?  
NM: Latias and Latios have fallen out .  
NM: Again .  
NM: What brings Keldeo to Hoenn ?  
SO: boredom i guess.  
NM: Not planning for Mewtwo’s game ?  
SO: wish i was.  
SO: i mean i guess everyone’s splitting into teams by region, but…  
SO: nobody from unova really seems interested.  
SO: reshiram and zekrom don’t want to play, the rest of the swords of justice are busy…  
SO: nobody’s seen the forces of nature in months, genesect is helping mewtwo actually run the game…  
SO: and kyurem wants nothing to do with any of us.  
NM: I see your problem .  
SO: that leaves victini, meloetta, and me.  
SO: everybody wants victini, meloetta i think is with kanto, and…  
NM: You have yet to find a team .  
SO: yeah.  
[MOD] SC: Welcome to dysfunction junction.  
[MOD] SC: You could probably join if you wanted to but I’m warning you right now it’s messy.  
[MOD] SC: Very messy.  
SO: i see that…  
[MOD] SC: You don’t know the half of it.  
[MOD] SC: As you can see, most of us aren’t here any more.  
[MOD] SC: Groudon decided it was his turn to be childish and threw a tantrum when he learned Kyogre was also invited.  
TB: ~~~What an actor  
[MOD] SC: That scared Jirachi out of the memo.  
[MOD] SC: The Regis then left, citing damage control.  
[MOD] SC: Then Deoxys left, claiming it was also helping Mewtwo.  
[MOD] SC: And finally, Latias and Latios threw hissy fits over who was going to be team leader.  
[MOD] SC: Which was pointless anyway because that’s going to be me.  
SO: wow.  
NM: I joined halfway through to expedite organization .  
NM: I have failed in my task .  
SO: i suppose everyone in sinnoh is working together like a well-oiled machine.  
NM: I would not go that far .  
NM: There is the expected animosity between Cresselia and Darkrai .  
NM: Azelf is confident they can resolve their issues .  
[MOD] SC: Meanwhile we’re over here running like a well-oiled Grumpig on a treadmill.  
TB: ~~~I really dont know what all the fuss is about  
[MOD] SC: Shut it.  
SO: wow uh  
[MOD] SC: Like I said, you’re welcome, but personally I wouldn’t.  
NM: Why not join Meloetta in Team Kanto ?  
SO: um, you see…  
SO: mew and i, uh  
SO: we don’t really get along.  
SO: at all.  
NM: Surely she isn’t that bad .  
SO: last time we met she repeatedly called me a runt and told cobalion to change my diaper.  
SO: she hates me.  
NM: Hmmm .  
NM: Alola ?  
SO: already tried them.  
SO: zeraora threatened to kill me.  
SO: and nobody from kalos is answering me.  
[MOD] SC: Weird.  
[MOD] SC: Normally we have trouble getting Hoopa to shut up.  
NM: Problematic .  
NM: Mesprit left for Kalos to assist their organization .  
NM: I have not heard from them since .  
NM: Nor are they responding to my messages now .  
SO: uh  
SO: so it’s either here or johto.  
[MOD] SC: Not Sinnoh or Galar?  
NM: Azelf is rather strict on region separation .  
NM: I believe they have blocked almost everybody else as course of fact .  
SO: galar would just be a team of two so zacian and zamazenta got put on team kanto.  
[MOD] SC: And anywhere’s better than Johto.  
[MOD] SC: Okay.  
[MOD] SC: Because I’m apparently the only team leader who’s sane, I’m going to make an executive decision here.  
[MOD] SC: I’m going to further open that welcome to you, Keldeo, but increase that warning that we’re likely to fall apart at less than a moment’s notice.  
[MOD] SC: I’m going to try to get these idiots organized with Uxie’s help but it’s going to be a tall order.  
NM: Yes .  
TB: ~~~I’m offended  
[MOD] SC: Kyogre, S H U T.  
[MOD] SC: Just so you’re aware that Team Hoenn might find itself a nonentity before it really gets going.  
SO: that’s okay i guess.  
SO: i mean it’s a chance to play rather than none at all.  
[MOD] SC: Yeah.

* * *

BB: I’m not your hatchling-sitter.  
DN: D:  
BB: Look, I’ll do the best I can.  
BB: Just bear in mind who you’re asking me to go up against.  
BB: I guard the seas. I’m not equipped to go up against… that.  
BB: So no promises.  
DN: :/  
BB: You are aware that she has administrator access and could read this private conversation if she so wished?  
DN: :O  
DN: >.<  
BB: Fantastic.  
BB: You get on with whatever you’re supposed to be doing.  
BB: In the meantime, I *guess* I’ll try making nice conversation.  
DN: :)  
dantesNferno [DN] stopped pestering beastieBirb [BB]


	3. Alola: Hoi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances this chapter:
> 
> GB / geneticBees: Genesect  
> MM / mechaMarvel: Magearna  
> SS / sevenStar: Marshadow  
> UM / upriverMarlin: Tapu Fini  
> TK / thunderKitty: Zeraora  
> NU / nightmareUnleaded: Darkrai  
> MU / monarchUkulele: Tapu Lele  
> US / unabatedStimulus: Tapu Koko  
> SU / stockadeUpheaval: Tapu Bulu  
> SG / scimitarGamma: Virizion  
> SB / swordBravo: Cobalion

**ALOLA  
That's Something At Least / Hoi / Blind Faith**

catsClone [CC] began pestering geneticBees [GB].  
CC: things aren’t going well.  
CC: it’s falling within expected parameters though so i don’t think we need to intervene yet.  
CC: i am however concerned by the radio silence coming from kalos.  
CC: i’m not seeing any unusual activity over that way but is it possible they’ve started already?  
GB: GGGT  
CC: good.  
CC: has *anyone* started already?  
GB: AAGAGTGAAACGAAUAAUGCAAATAUTTCGAUGCGTTGTTGUTCGTCCTCAUTGTG  
GB: ACTUTTGGGTAGGTGGGGAUAGTTCTGTGGTGCGAAUAAUUTAUTTACAUAUGGAUTGTTAAACGACTTGCGAUAT  
CC: how entirely unlike zeraora.  
CC: solgaleo is doing his job correctly then.  
CC: the last thing we need is mr. impatient charging into things before they’re ready.  
CC: what about unova?  
CC: i’ve tried talking to all three of the tao dragons but they aren’t interested in the slightest.  
CC: kyurem attempted to block me.  
GB: TTCGAUUTUCCTGAGAAGGTGCAUAATCGTTUGGAT  
CC: yes, well, forgive me if i’m not entirely convinced.  
CC: because they’re not.  
CC: and those three are nothing if not stubborn.  
CC: run me through the list of expected leaders again?  
GB: AGAAGGTTGTGCAUUC  
GB: CUGTCGTTGTAUGGTTAUCT  
GB: CGGTAUGGGGGAAATTCTAATG  
GB: TGCTGGGGGTCGAAUUAUGACA  
GB: TUGGGTUAAAAGAUGAATAUGT  
GB: AGAAGAGTTGATCTAAGGAGCTAU  
GB: AAGAGTGAAAGCAACCAUAATCGGAA  
CC: right.  
CC: then zacian and zamazenta go in with kanto to make up numbers and arceus takes the rest of us.  
CC: the choices concern me but if that’s the way things are going to end up anyway there’s little we can do about it.  
CC: hoenn in particular i think is going to cause the most issues.  
CC: considering groudon refuses to work with kyogre, the twins currently want nothing to do with each other, and jirachi’s too intimidated by all of them.  
GB: TTCGAATTCGAATGACAUAUGGAAAGAGGTTUGGTTAUATCAGTTC  
CC: true.  
CC: i suppose there is little we can do about it at this moment except finalize the infrastructure.  
CC: should they start it up now, will it actually work?  
GB: UTAUTG  
CC: that’s something, at least.

* * *

mechaMarvel [MM] joined memo CAMPFIRE SONGS on board BEACH PARTAY!  
>Welcome to the Alola region board. There is currently [1] member present.  
>Home of Lunala. Enough said. Don’t break the rules, darlings.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: sevenStar [SS]  
>Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: waiting for maggy to get back i guess -US

MM: *Where is everyone*?*  
SS: ula’ula island  
SS: zera’s kicking the shit out of bulu  
MM: *Why*???*  
MM: *Had we not settled our order*?*  
SS: it’s not that  
SS: right after you left bulu suggested taking it slowly to make sure we don’t make any mistakes  
SS: zera took offense  
MM: *I see*.*  
MM: *@upriverMarlin I am ready to begin when you are*.*  
upriverMarlin [UM] joined the memo.  
UM: Let’s get this done quick before they notice  
UM: I’m on my way back to Poni  
upriverMarlin [UM] fled the memo.  
SS: must be nice  
MM: *What*?*  
SS: nothing________  
MM: *???*  
sevenStar [SS] fled the memo.  
MM: *I am confused*.*  
future outtaTime [fOT] joined memo 151 HOURS FROM NOW.  
[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave future outtaTime [fOT] the ‘moderator’ role.  
future outtaTime [fOT] blocked thunderKitty [TK] from responding to memo.  
[MOD] fOT: okay maggy this is really important!  
MM: *What*?*  
[MOD] fOT: zeraora’s about to contact you, and it’s vital you tell him you changed your mind and lunala’s being your server!  
[MOD] fOT: he noticed that fini left!  
MM: *Umm*…*  
[MOD] fOT: he won’t believe you but that’s fine!  
MM: *Then what is the purpose of the misdirection*?*  
[MOD] fOT: buying time for backup to reach you!  
MM: *Who is backup*?*  
[MOD] fOT: @nightmareunleaded  
MM: *I am questioning the accuracy of referring to him as ‘backup’*.*  
[MOD] fOT: it’ll be fine!  
[MOD] fOT: you guys needed a new memo here anyway :p  
[MOD] fOT: @outtatime  
future outtaTime [fOT] fled the memo.

thunderKitty [TK] began pestering mechaMarvel [MM].  
TK: Hoi!  
MM: *…*Hoi*…*?*  
TK: Fini just pissed off  
TK: Are you tryin to start without me???  
MM: *Actually no*.*  
MM: *I do not know where Tapu Fini is*.*  
MM: *In any case I have had to modify the plan*.*  
TK: Taurosshit  
MM: *When we do start, I will be connecting to Lunala instead*.*  
TK: So what happened to all that braggin about the ‘perfect plan’ earlier???  
TK: You’re full of shit and lyin to me  
MM: *I am not*.*  
TK: I’m gonna finish kickin Bulu’s ass  
TK: Then you better warn Fini I’m comin for hers next  
TK: I knew you were gonna pull somethin like this  
TK: Knew I couldn’t trust you  
TK: You’re gonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn  
thunderKitty [TK] stopped pestering mechaMarvel [MM].

current outtaTime [cOT] joined memo RIGHT NOW.  
cOT: phew!  
MM: *What did he do*?*  
cOT: just put mr impatient to sleep.  
cOT: he’ll wake up when he’s needed.  
cOT: i really wish my future self would give me more time to organize things like this.  
cOT: as it was i had to hop back in time six hours to give darkrai enough time to get there!  
nightmareUnleaded [NU] joined the memo.  
NU: AND NOW I’M STUCK IN ALOLA.  
NU: I *****HATE***** ALOLA.  
monarchUkulele [MU] joined the memo.  
MU: Why is Darkrai here?????????  
MU: Why is Celebi here?????????????????????????????????  
unabatedStimulus [US] joined the memo.  
stockadeUpheaval [SU] joined the memo.  
US: you slagging off our islands  
US: fite me  
MU: Koko no.  
US: koko *yes*  
SU: Thanks for the assist, Darkrai.  
NU: I DIDN’T DO IT FOR YOU.  
cOT: he’s just grouchy because i woke him up.  
US: do you even sleep  
MM: *I am not sure doing that was necessarily a good idea*.*  
cOT: no, neither do i, but we didn’t have a lot of choice.  
cOT: i’m told  
cOT: **told**  
cOT: that it’s very important he enter last on your team.  
MM: *Told by who*?*  
future outtaTime [fOT] joined memo 151 HOURS FROM NOW.  
[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave future outtaTime [fOT] the ‘moderator’ role.  
future outtaTime [fOT] blocked current outtaTime [cOT] from responding to memo.  
MU: Celebi!!!!  
[MOD] fOT: ;)  
future outtaTime [fOT] fled the memo.  
NU: GET BACK HERE YOU FUCK.  
US: wait  
US: where did sol luna and silv go  
upriverMarlin [UM] joined the memo.  
UM: I’m ba  
UM: What  
US: hi fini  
MU: Hi Fini.  
SU: Greetings Fini.  
NU: @OUTTATIME @OUTTATIME @OUTTATIME  
future outtaTime [fOT] joined memo 151 HOURS FROM NOW.  
[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave future outtaTime [fOT] the ‘moderator’ role.  
[MOD] fOT: whoops almost forgot!  
future outtaTime [fOT] blocked nightmareUnleaded [NU] from responding to memo.  
[MOD] fOT: he’ll be out of your hair soon ;)  
future outtaTime [fOT] fled the memo.  
UM: What in the actual is going on in here

* * *

scimitarGamma [SG] began pestering swordBravo [SB].  
SG: The reports from the south are correct.  
SB: Terrakion has yet to report back.  
SB: …  
SB: Why hasn’t Rayquaza been sighted yet?  
SG: It’s possible they’re so small they’re skipping his radar.  
SB: I’m still concerned. This is incredibly unusual.  
SG: If you’re so concerned, why not ask him directly to investigate?  
SG: Cobalion, I’ve lost track of how many times we’ve missed the opportunity for first response because we didn’t report it to the legendary responsible.  
SG: They’re small so far but all it would take is one bigger one and the casualties would be immense.  
SB: If he’s ignoring them, there must be a reason for it.  
SB: We have no choice but to trust that.  
SG:  
SG: Now is not the time for blind faith!  
SG: If you’re so sure that his ignoring them is a choice, then ASK HIM!  
SG: Terrakion will tell you the same thing!  
SB: It is not our place to question the higher legendaries.  
SB: I have told you this countless times.  
SG: Wh  
SG: Cobalion.  
SG: I have told you *this* countless times.  
SG: Sitting around and waiting for the problem to go away has never been a viable solution.  
SG: Nor has running around doing damage control for somebody who isn’t even aware there’s a problem!  
SG: If you’re not willing to ask him, then lift the block and I’ll do it.  
SB: No.  
SG: …  
SG: Cobalion, you’re a fucking idiot.  
scimitarGamma [SG] stopped pestering swordBravo [SB].

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every one of these sorts of stories needs that one character who's almost completely unintelligible (Genesect), one who's trying to pick a fight with everyone successfully (Zeraora), one who's trying to pick a fight with everyone unsuccessfully (Tapu Koko) and one whose stubbornness overrides their common sense. Sorry Cobalion, but somebody had to pick up the jerkass ball.


	4. Intermission 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances this chapter:
> 
> MO / moltenOpportunity: Heatran  
> NG / nominalGneiss: Regirock  
> BC / biologicalComputer: Regigigas  
> GG / galvanizedGubbins: Registeel  
> GN / glacierNinepin: Regice  
> BN / barkNecessarily: Xerneas  
> WW / wonkyWindlass: Giratina
> 
> The conversations here in the intermissions are not in chronological order. Some take place before the game starts, some after.

**INTERMISSON ONE  
Buffoon With A Death Wish / Please Press Dog / Wheeze / Losers All Around / Please Understand / I Can Speak Your Language**

<conversation between blazingGlory [BG] and moltenOpportunity [MO]>  
BG: How did you do that  
MO: with patienccce.  
MO: and not charging in like a buffoon with a death wisssh.  
BG: But I used patience  
MO: and then you charged in like a buffoon with a death wisssh.  
BG: How do you even know I did that  
BG: You didn’t see it  
MO: entei.  
MO: a zzzubat would have ssseen it and they don’t even have eyesss naturally.  
MO: that eruption could have been felt milesss away.  
MO: whereasss you would have been lucky to feel mine if you were ssstanding right on top of it.  
BG: How then  
MO: pinpoint precisssion.  
MO: containment.  
MO: forethought.  
MO: all of which you ssseem to lack.  
BG: I see no point in it  
BG: Stealth is not a viable alternative to Bulldozing  
BG: It takes too long  
BG: Your method I admit is interesting but too slow  
MO: really.  
BG: Yes  
MO: ssso you are uninteresssted in improvement.  
BG: There is no improvement in it  
MO: ssso be it.  
MO: look down.  
BG: Wh  
MO: if there isss no improvement in it, explain why you jussst got your assssss kicked by a blind pokemon.  
MO: when you become consssciousss again, that isss.

* * *

<memo between nominalGneiss [NG], glacierNinepin [GN], galvanizedGubbins [GG], and biologicalComputer [BC]>  
NG: >print: Y O U R _ T R I A L _ P E R I O D _ H A S _ E X P I R E D  
NG: >print: R U N T I M E _ E R R O R  
BC: ACCESS UNIT REGIROCK.  
BC: OVERRIDE 0X000283.  
BC: EXECUTE(RESTART).  
NG: >command level override auth master unit  
NG: >unit restarting  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "My third core is acting most peculiarly.",  
GG: "It appears to be giving an",  
GG: "Out of cheese error?" ] },  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: WHAT KIND OF CHEESE?  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "Feta." ] },  
GN: ####petulant_I don't like Feta cheese.  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "I hardly think what type of cheese it is actually matters.",  
GG: "Especially considering you cannot ingest it in the first place.",  
GG: "I have shut down core no. 3 and submitted a bug report." ] },  
GN: ####smartass_How many cores do you have again?  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "Fourteen." ] },  
GN: ####smartass_And how many are you running on now?  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "One and a half." ] },  
BC: PROCESSING BUG REPORT #8392 UNIT REGISTEEL.  
GN: ####smartass_Can you afford to be shutting cores down now?  
BC: ACCESS UNIT REGICE.  
BC: OVERRIDE 0X001982.  
BC: DISABLE PERSONALITY SETTING "SMARTASS".  
GN: ####access_command level override auth master unit  
GN: ####access_smartass personality setting disabled  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "Hands up who saw that coming." ] },  
GN: ####with-barely-contained-terror_Apologies, Regigigas.  
GN: ####insincere-nonapology_It won't happen again.  
GN: ####sudden-realization_WHOOPS  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "Is Creator-Regigigas going to shut down all of your personality settings?",  
GG: "I hope not.",  
GG: "Your backup personalities are awful." ] },  
GN: ####lame-retort_Your backup personalities are awful!  
GG: { "dialogue": [  
GG: "I have only one personality.",  
GG: "It just happens to be split across one and a half",  
GG: "One core.",  
GG: "Creator-Regigigas, I require urgent maintenance." ] },  
NG: >print: R E S T A R T _ C O M P L E T E  
NG: >print: U N I T _ R E G I R O C K _ O N L I N E  
NG: >print: Y O U _ H A V E _ 3 _ N E W _ M E S S A G E S  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
GG: core #9 overloaded  
GG: error  
GG: error  
GG: this unit has encountered a fatal error and must be restarted  
GN: ####resigned_Well, we all knew this was coming.  
GG: push to disarm  
GG: please press dog  
GN: ####confused_What?  
NG: >print: O H _ N O  
BC: ACCESS UNIT REGISTEEL.  
BC: OVERRIDE 0X000012.  
BC: EXECUTE(ENABLE-BROADCAST-BEACON)  
BC: EXECUTE(EMERGENCY-SHUTDOWN)  
GG: command level override auth master unit  
GG: broadcast beacon enabled  
GG: shutting down  
GG: ] }  
galvanizedGubbins [GG] fled the memo.  
BC: UNIT REGIROCK.  
BC: PROCEED TO GRID REF. 8289-0018HN.  
BC: RETRIEVE UNIT REGISTEEL.  
NG: >print: A T _ O N C E  
BC: UNIT REGICE.  
BC: ON RETURN OF UNITS REGIROCK AND REGISTEEL PROCEED WITH MAINTENANCE PATTERN CF.  
GN: ####clarification-requested_Maintenance pattern CF requires redefinition.  
BC: ICE PUNCH.  
GN: ####sudden-realization_Oh.  
GN: ####sudden-elation_By all means.

* * *

<memo between past outtaTime [pOT] 1 MONTH AGO, current outtaTime [cOT] RIGHT NOW, future outtaTime [fOT] 70 HOURS FROM NOW, and doctorWhom [DW] 2 WEEKS FROM NOW>  
pOT: did i already say that most of this is flying straight over my head?  
DW: I did warn you.  
fOT: surely you’ve learned by now that i don’t listen!  
cOT: case in point: i actually don’t remember saying that.  
cOT: to be honest i’m having trouble remembering being in this memo a month ago.  
pOT: oh, shitting hell.  
pOT: boss, did we cause a revision somewhere along the line?  
DW: Not that I’m aware of.  
DW: The concept of time may be starting to fracture under the strain but I would notice a revision.  
DW: That is to say, at this point revisions *have* been occurring, but thus far we have all been on the receiving end rather than the subjecting, and I have been able to keep track of all of them.  
DW: And certainly none have affected events in your current oldest timeframe.  
pOT: bully to you then.  
cOT: just trying to think of what else i was doing a month ago.  
pOT: i just got done with helping the swords of justice?  
cOT: got that.  
pOT: palkia and kyogre had their breakup last night?  
DW: Oof.  
DW: I do not need reminding of that right now.  
cOT: did  
cOT: did you just say oof?  
fOT: w h e e z e  
cOT: what’s happening to you, boss?  
DW: A great many things which I cannot reveal to these incarnations of you.  
pOT: um…  
pOT: maybe it’s something i’m about to do?  
pOT: shaymin’s throwing a party in a couple of days…  
cOT: definitely remember that.  
cOT: she’s a surprisingly good kisser.  
pOT: WHAT  
cOT: she was drunk, i was having a slapfight with meloetta, we both sort of just fall into it.  
fOT: hey, i’d almost forgotten that!  
fOT: unfortunately our chances are nil because of some social blunders that i have performed over the last few days.  
fOT: shaymin is not a happy hedgehog with me right now.  
cOT: you’re always ruining our love life.  
DW: To be perfectly honest, I have started to wonder why you don’t start initiating with yourself.  
fOT: boss  
pOT: boss  
cOT: boss  
fOT: is this projection?  
DW: Rest assured I have no desire to, ahem, initiate with myself.  
DW: Unfortunately I have a difficult time forgetting such notions.  
DW: Mew made a comment at one point and I have been having a hard time shifting it.  
fOT: did she tell me to go fuck myself?  
DW: Maybe.  
cOT: wait, i remember now!  
pOT: what is it  
past outtaTime [pOT] fled the memo.  
cOT: that happens!  
cOT: and since i remembered that means you remembered the whole time!  
fOT: and you didn’t think of that before?  
cOT:  
cOT:  
cOT: no.  
DW: I have a vague recollection of something happening to you then.  
DW: I cannot ever remember you elaborating though.  
cOT: oh, you just stepped on me.  
DW: …  
DW: That seems like something that would be better told to myself in the moment!  
fOT: you were busy!  
fOT: it wasn’t that urgent and you didn’t have the time!  
DW: Celebi.  
DW: I *made* time.  
fOT: oh yeah.  
cOT: w h e e z e  
fOT: you can zip it and all!  
fOT: you’re going to make the same mistake in 70 hours!  
cOT: what, like you’d turn down the opportunity for future-self schadenfreude!  
fOT: well, no.  
future outtaTime [fOT2] joined the memo 151 HOURS FROM NOW.  
fOT2: don’t forget past-self schadenfreude!  
fOT: that’s an awful long time to wait for one gag.  
cOT: this is unbelievable.  
cOT: i’m such a hypocrite.  
DW: And you’re only just seeing this now?  
fOT2: big oof.  
cOT: well.  
cOT: technically i’m seeing it two weeks ago…  
DW: It’s not funny.  
fOT2: it kind of is.  
fOT2: we’re never going to get tired of tense jokes, are we?  
cOT: nope!  
fOT: oh *bugger*.  
DW: And here I thought you hated camping.  
fOT: boss, don’t ev  
fOT: dammit.  
cOT: what even was that???  
fOT2: it was us, collectively, across all timelines, getting tired of tents jokes.

* * *

<conversation between boltfromTheblue [BT] and winCondition [WC]>  
WC: yeah totally  
WC: id take terrakion and virizion because theyre badasses but the rest of them  
WC: meh  
WC: losers all around  
BT: isnt meloetta good at games  
WC: yeah but shes latioss girlfriend  
WC: if you wanna win you gotta get rid of the emotional attachments to the other teams  
WC: youre not seein anyone are you  
BT: nope  
BT: tbh i dont really get the point of it  
BT: i mean  
BT: lugia and tapu koko  
BT: mightve been chemistry or something  
BT: look where that got them  
WC: i only needed one look and i knew they werent winners  
WC: good thing now though  
WC: they wont be dragging johto down with them  
WC: what about your dad  
BT: hes forgotten what romance even is  
BT: anyway when you join the memo dont ping him  
BT: were trying to do this stealthily  
WC: stealth sucks  
BT: yeah but if he finds out what were doing before we start hell attack me  
WC: what did you even do  
BT: i found out a couple days ago hes been expecting rent  
WC: havent you been living in that basement for a century  
WC: what sort of rent  
BT: beats me  
BT: but if he wakes up i have about twenty seconds before the place is full of sacred fire  
BT: so dont ping him ffs  
BT: feel free to ping entei though  
BT: hes ignoring me

<conversation between danteNuevo [DN] and barkNecessarily [BN]>  
BN: And how hax Lugia taken it?  
DN: :/  
DN: /\\(o<o)/\  
BN: You’re xuppoxed to be talking to him.  
DN: >:(  
BN: Pardon. Not talking.  
BN: Emoting.  
BN: I can help you if you need it but he won’t underxtand unlexx you regularly communicate.  
BN: What about Groudon?  
BN: Have you mexxaged him at all xince it happened?  
DN: >:O  
DN: D:< D:< D:<  
DN: (->-)  
BN: I underxtand your hexitation but you need to hear from him that he didn’t mean it.  
BN: Juxt ax he needx to hear from you that you’re not harboring a grudge.  
DN: (->-)  
BN: Quoi?  
DN: (o)<==========) x.x  
DN: >:(  
BN: Xo… you won’t tell him you’re not harboring a grudge becauxe you *are* harboring a grudge?  
DN: (>o<o)>  
BN: Axking me to pleaxe underxtand ixn’t what I wax hoping from you.  
BN: Everybody who witnexxed it agreed that it wax an axident.  
BN: He wax corralling a volcano and he mixxed.  
BN: He didn’t know you were flying right behind it.  
DN: >:(  
BN: Ix there much point in continuing thix line of converxation?  
DN: /\\(o<o)/\  
BN: Fine. A ton chemin alorx.  
BN: Let’x get on with your exercixex.  
BN: No AXCII or OwOx thix time pleaxe.

* * *

<conversation between wonkyWindlass [WW] and geneticBees [GB]>  
WW: HELLO THERE  
WW: MY NAME IS GIRATINA  
WW: PLEASE DONT BE ALARMED  
WW: YOURE PROBABLY A BIT CONFUSED AND DISORIENTED  
WW: AS I UNDERSTAND IT YOUVE BEEN ASLEEP FOR A LONG TIME  
WW: YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO RESPOND IF YOU FOCUS ON MY VOICE  
GB: UCCGGTAATCAUUTGTTU  
GB: UCCGAUTCAUAAGCCT  
WW: HM  
WW: ONE MOMENT  
GB: UCCGAATTTGCCGTCTGGCCGTGG  
GB: UCCGUTAGAAGGTTCT  
GB: AUUAAUTCUTTTCGCTGGCCCAAUAUGATGATCTCACAAUTCAUGGTT  
GB: UCCGUTAGAAGGTTCTTUGGATAUTCTGTTAAGGATUTGTTU  
WW: IM HAVING DIFFICULTY UNDERSTANDING YOU  
WW: ITS POSSIBLE THE RESURRECTION PROCESS WAS FLAWED IN SOME WAY  
WW: THE PORTIONS OF YOUR BRAIN THAT DEAL WITH LANGUAGE MAY HAVE BEEN DAMAGED  
GB: CTATGTGGTTGAGGGTUCUCCGAUTCAUCTAAGC  
WW: IM GOING TO TRY SOMETHING  
WW: AGAAGGUTGTTUTUGGATAUTCTGTTAAGGATGCAU  
GB: UTAUTG  
GB: UTAUTGCTAGAAGGTUGGATAUTCTGTTAAGGATUTGTTU  
GB: UCCGGTAATCAUUTGTTU  
GB: UCCGAATTTGCGAAGUGUAUGGCTGGCC  
WW: GCUTGGAAGCAUCTTGCCCTTCAATTCTGGAA  
WW: CTAGAAGGTGGUAUAAGAUTGTTUTCGAAAGGCCTUAACCAU  
WW: GUGAAUAATGAUTCAUGCAACTGGAGAAGAGC  
WW: UTGTTUUAAUACAUAUGGTGGAAUAUGUCTGGCCCAGTTCAAGAGTGGCCTTCTGCAU  
GB: TGGAAUAUGUCTGGCC  
GB: UTGTTUTCAUGAUTCTGGCC  
WW: CGGTUCATCTATUTGTTUGUAUTCAGAUCTUAAUCTTT  
GB: CTATCTAUATCTGGAACCGTGGUT  
GB: CTGCAUGATTAUATCTGGAAGGAUUGTTTCAUGCAUCGAUAATT  
GB: AAGGATTTCGAUGG  
GB: CTAAUCGTGAAUTTGTTGTTGTGGAUAAGGATGCAUTTAAGAAAGGATGGTUGCACAUTCTG  
WW: CTGCTGGTTCTCUT  
WW: ATCTATUTUAAUGATTAAGAGGGTTTAGGTGCAUCAGTTCUTGTTU  
GB: UCCGGTCTTGUTUAAUGATTAAGA  
WW: TGCGAU  
WW: TGCGAUGCAAGAAUTGTGTUTCAUTTCGAUATAUAAATCACTGGATTTCGAUCTTCTCAUTGTT  
WW: TGCGAUTGCGGTTUGAATCGAAUAAUCAGTTUGGATUTGTTU  
GB: TTCGAATTATCTATGGGTTTCGAAGUGUAUGG  
GB: GUAUTCCGAAGUTG  
GB: CTTTCTTGACAUAGAATUTGAUCGAUTCCCAAGCAUAGAAGCAUGTTUTTAACATTAUTCGCCTGGAU  
WW: CTATGTGGTTTUGGATAUTCTGTTAAGGATUCCGAATTTTCGAATTGCAUAAGGTG  
WW: CGGCGC  
GB: UCCGGTAAGCCT  
WW: UTGTTUATGTGGGTTTGAGGGTUC  
GB: GGGT  
WW: UTGTTUUCAUTCAUTCAUTGTUTCTCAUAGTTAUATACUTCGTUGCAAGGTG  
WW: TTCGAUUTATAUTGCTCCGGAATTAUATUTGTTUCCAUGGAUTGAUAGTT  
GB: TTCGAUGGTTCGAATTCTTGGCUTGGAAGCAU

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize that in these opening chapters there is entirely too much Celebi. She's just a jerk like that, bullying her way into conversations where she doesn't belong. She gets her just desserts by constantly torpedoing her own romantic chances.
> 
> A couple of references here; the mention of the failed relationship between Lugia and Tapu Koko is of course in reference to Split Parental Supervision by PaxDuane, which was one of the sources of inspiration to write this story, and the mention of the failed relationship between Palkia and Kyogre is a reference to a throwaway line that happened somewhere in Ashes of the Past by Saphroneth over on FF.net. They may have centuries of experience behind them but nobody really ever gets their stuff together.
> 
> Except for Latios and Meloetta, apparently. I'll update relationship tags when there's actually communication between them rather than just allusions.


	5. Kanto: You're a Butt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> WD / walkaboutDistributor: Palkia  
> DD / decibelDrama: Mew  
> WS / welshStaccato: Zamazenta  
> SW / sleuthWolf: Zacian  
> OM / octetMelody: Meloetta  
> TT / thunderbirbTwo: Zapdos  
> OG / offensiveGlaceon: Articuno

**KANTO  
I Hate Time Travel / You're A Butt / Just In Time Too**

walkaboutDistributor [WD] began pestering doctorWhom [DW].  
WD: Explain!  
DW: Explain… what?  
WD: Explain why your underling has left Darkrai stranded in Alola!  
WD: HE WAS ABOUT TO GET STARTED YOU PRICK  
DW: SHE DID WHAT  
WD: I find it hard to believe she acted in such a way without strict instructions from you.  
WD: And thanks to these anomalies, I can’t warp him back!  
DW: …  
DW: She assures me that she was acting on my instructions.  
WD: I KNEW IT  
DW: Instructions that I have not yet given her.  
WD: I HATE TIME TRAVEL  
DW: You say that.  
DW: You are, however, time travelling right now.  
WD: Wait what?  
DW: At a rate of one second per second into the future.  
WD: PRICK  
DW: Regardless, I cannot be blamed for this problem.  
DW: Yet, anyway.  
DW: We should ask Giratina if Darkrai can take a shortcut back through the Reverse World.  
DW: There’s an issue with that, though.  
WD: Being?  
DW: Last I heard, he was assisting Yveltal with something.  
WD: …In Kalos.  
DW: Yes.  
DW: It appears as if the entire region has fallen into one of the anomalies.  
DW: By my calculations Kalos has become disconnected from the regular flow of time and is currently around 2 days into the past.  
DW: You may wish to double-check my working but spacewise it appears normal.  
WD: Just tell your underling to go into the future and find out what’s going on.  
DW: Already tried that.  
DW: Up to a certain point she’s irritatingly coy, and then beyond that she just winks at me and leaves again.  
WD: This is probably all your fault.  
DW: I wouldn’t be so hasty in apportioning me with all of the blame, dear sister.  
DW: …But yes.  
DW: I don’t doubt that some of this is in some way my fault.  
WD: Once more, for the record:  
WD: PRICK

* * *

decibelDrama [DD] joined memo THE BEST TEAM on board THE OG REGION.  
>Kanto board. Enough said. There are currently [0] members and [3] guests present.  
>do as i say or i’ll blast burn your face.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: poryBot [PB]  
>Present guests: welshStaccato [WS], sleuthWolf [SW], octetMelody [OM]  
>Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: disobey and it’ll be v-create instead -DD

DD: wh  
DD: now where did the birds go??  
WS: <} This is not my fault.  
SW: -|===> It’s entirely his fault.  
DD: meloetta???  
OM: Leave me out of this~  
DD: seriously what the fuck  
DD: @offensiveglaceon @thunderbirbtwo @dantesnferno  
DD: DOGS WHERE ARE THE BIRDS  
DD: I WILL PING YOU TO FUCK  
SW: -|===> Zamazenta insulted them.  
WS: <} I did not!  
SW: -|===> Pretty sure you did.  
WS: <} I’m pretty sure I just made a casual observation!  
SW: -|===> A casual observation which insulted them.  
WS: <} How was it an insult?!  
SW: -|===> You ‘observed’ that they ought to be scared of Mew because she’s a cat.  
WS: <} So?  
DD: @welshstaccato @welshstaccato @welshstaccato @sleuthwolf @sleuthwolf @sleuthwolf  
SW: -|===> AUGH  
WS: <} AUGH  
OM: Was that really necessary~?  
DD: nah not really  
DD: but it was funny though  
DD: @beastiebirb are you harboring your trio  
beastieBirb [BB] joined the memo.  
BB: No.  
beastieBirb [BB] fled the memo.  
DD: @offensiveglaceon @thunderbirbtwo @dantesnferno  
DD: @offensiveglaceon @thunderbirbtwo @dantesnferno  
DD: @offensiveglaceon @thunderbirbtwo @dantesnferno  
thunderbirbTwo [TT] joined the memo.  
TT: stop doing that!  
TT: we’re busy!  
DD: BIRD  
DD: STAY THE FUCK THERE OR I WILL EAT YOUR LIVER  
catsClone [CC] joined the memo.  
[BOT] poryBot [PB] gave catsClone [CC] the ‘moderator’ role.  
[MOD] CC: mew, stop threatening to eat your teammates.  
DD: but  
[MOD] CC: you’re a butt.  
DD: you’re a  
DD: stop doing that  
[MOD] CC: zapdos, if she decides so she probably will at least attempt to eat you.  
[MOD] CC: i suggest you and your brothers return.  
TT: about that  
TT: moltres and articuno are trying to start  
DD: what  
TT: they wanted to show we could get things done by ourselves  
[MOD] CC: …  
catsClone [CC] forcibly added offensiveGlaceon [OG] to the memo.  
catsClone [CC] forcibly added dantesNferno [DN] to the memo.  
[MOD] CC: behave.  
[MOD] CC: both of you.  
OG: We were almost done  
OG: You ass Zapdos  
DN: >:( >:( >:(  
DN: (->-). . .  
OG: Moltres will remember that  
[MOD] CC: who’s setting up the server?  
OG: Me  
[MOD] CC: connect to mew.  
OG: But  
DD: I WILL EAT YOUR HEART  
[MOD] CC: mew, stop that.  
DN: :/  
[MOD] CC: and moltres, stop whining.  
DD: when are you going to teach me how to drag them into memos  
[MOD] CC: when you can be trusted with moderator access.  
DD: i can be trusted  
DD: i’m trustworthy  
[MOD] CC: you’re the one threatening to eat your teammates alive.  
DD: i didn’t say alive  
[MOD] CC: and that’s why you’re not a moderator.  
[MOD] CC: zacian, zamazenta, are you prepared?  
SW: -|===> I’m deaf in one ear.  
WS: <} I’m deaf in both ears.  
SW: -|===> It won’t make much difference, you don’t use them anyway.  
WS: <} What was that?!  
DD: hey zamazenta  
WS: <} What?  
DD: there’s a skwovet behind you  
WS: <} SKWOVET  
welshStaccato [WS] fled the memo.  
SW: -|===> And there he goes.  
TT: mewtwo  
[MOD] CC: yes, zapdos?  
TT: i’d like to request a transfer to a team with a leader who isn’t actively sabotaging us  
[MOD] CC: denied.  
DD: yeah what do you think about that  
DD: you’re stuck with me, bird  
DD: don’t you forget it  
[MOD] CC: mew, don’t make me rethink making you team leader.  
DD: i am  
DD: the best leader  
TT: no you’re not  
OG: No you’re not  
DN: >:(  
DD: can it the lot of you  
DD: and don’t think i don’t see you in the peanut gallery meloetta  
DD: i expect obedience  
[MOD] CC: i’m afraid meloetta is somewhat preoccupied at this present moment.  
DD: doing what  
OM: Discussing things with my new team leader~  
DD: wh  
DD: WHAT DO YOU MEAN NEW TEAM LEADER  
octetMelody [OM] fled the memo.  
DD: GET BACK HERE  
DD: @octetmelody @octetmelody @octetmelody  
catsClone [CC] removed decibelDrama [DD]’s pinging privileges.  
DD: MEWTWO  
[MOD] CC: you should need no further distractions.  
[MOD] CC: get on with it.  
catsClone [CC] fled the memo.  
SW: -|===> I’d just like to point out that Zamazenta is still looking for that Skwovet.  
SW: -|===> It’s so adorable I’m about to have a heart attack.  
DD: zacian  
SW: -|===> Yes?  
DD: bone  
SW: -|===> Oh, absolutely.  
OG:  
TT:  
DN: D8  
DD:  
DD: i’m going to be sick

* * *

OM: It’s done~  
OM: Just in time too, it seems~  
OM: Mew is more of a brat than I thought~  
OM: But how will you convince the others~?  
SO: i’ve got a few ideas.  
SO: can you contact victini? i need to try and cash in on the goodwill i’ve earned with the swords.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the things I'm trying with this is giving different personalities to legendaries that tend to be characterized the same way. Case in point: rather than being a ball of fluffy inane giggling, this Mew has let the power of being such a powerful Pokemon go to her head a bit. Also this chapter: Palkia is female, Zacian and Zamazenta are fun to write, and Keldeo starts putting Team Unova back together.


	6. Sinnoh: Nothing is Impossible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> WG / wishGranted: Jirachi  
> CW / counterweightWillow: Azelf  
> BS / bosunSoul: Manaphy  
> GO / grassrootsOptimism: Shaymin  
> TD / topiaryDreamscape: Cresselia

**SINNOH  
I Meant What I Said / Nothing Is Impossible / I'm Still Working On That**

skylineCrash [SC] began pestering wishGranted [WG].  
SC: Hey, Jirachi.  
SC: Everything’s settled down now.  
SC: Should be safe to come back.  
SC: I promise Groudon won’t hurt you.  
SC: Let me clarify: Groudon *can’t* hurt you.  
SC: He’s asleep.  
WG: it’s not him i’m worried about anymore  
SC: Oh?  
WG: it’s just that, um  
WG: well  
WG: i kind of got  
WG: strongarmed  
WG: and  
WG: uh  
SC: I’m not going to like this, am I?  
WG: latias said it was okay  
SC: …  
SC: Did you load the game and connect to Latias?  
WG: kinda  
SC: …  
SC: I’m not mad at you, Jirachi, much as you think I might be.  
SC: I’m mad at Latias for going behind my back, sure.  
SC: Maybe a little bit at Groudon too for taking too long.  
SC: But while you should have asked me first, I know Latias is a real schemer sometimes and she’s good at convincing others.  
SC: So no, I don’t blame you.  
WG: you don’t  
SC: I meant what I said.  
SC: Our region is a mess and somebody needs to take responsibility for it.  
SC: And unlike some others I could name but won’t, I’m not going to resort to shouting and screaming to get my own way.  
SC: Unless I’m talking to Groudon or Kyogre, but they don’t listen to *anyone*, so…  
SC: How far have you gotten, exactly?  
WG: um well  
WG: latias had me dump some big machines into the tower  
WG: she’s trying to figure out how they work  
SC: Not too far then.  
SC: Not that I understand what to do with the machines either; Deoxys has promised information but hasn’t yet delivered.  
SC: In fact, now that I think about it, there’s not a lot I know about the game itself.  
SC: What even is the purpose of it?  
SC: I’m messaging Deoxys right now but it’s stalling me for some reason.  
SC: Like  
SC: Hold on.  
WG: what  
SC: What the fuck.  
SC: WHAT THE FUCK.  
SC: WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!  
WG: what  
WG: what happened  
SC: THAT MOTHERFUCKER  
WG: i’m scared what’s going on  
SC: IT WAS DISTRACTING ME  
SC: THAT’S ALL IT WAS DOING  
SC: IT WAS MAKING ME PAY ATTENTION TO IT  
WG: uh  
SC: AND WHILE I WAS TRYING TO GET ANSWERS OUT OF IT  
SC: A METEOR HIT SINNOH!!!  
WG: oh no  
skylineCrash [SC] stopped pestering wishGranted [WG].

* * *

counterweightWillow [CW] joined memo WHAT IS GAME NIGHT? on board IN THE MOUNTAINS.  
>Clearly this is the Sinnoh board. There are currently [4] members present.  
>We have Arceus and the Creation Trio. Your rule-breaking is invalid.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: grassrootsOptimism [GO], notaryMemento [NM], bosunSoul [BS], topiaryDreamscape [TD]  
>Your current username setting is: [LONG]. Type /names short or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: azelf might be dead :( -BS

bosunSoul: AZELF!!!!!!  
grassrootsOptimism: I did tell you they weren’t dead.  
grassrootsOptimism: Ye of little faith.  
notaryMemento: I suspect faith had little to do with it .  
notaryMemento: !motd Azelf isn’t dead .  
[BOT] poryBot: New MOTD: Azelf isn’t dead . -NM  
grassrootsOptimism: No, it was like I said.  
grassrootsOptimism: The game saved them.  
grassrootsOptimism: Aside from a little disorientation on entry, the transition was fairly smooth.  
counterweightWillow: wouldn’t define it as (smooth)  
counterweightWillow: (harrowing)  
counterweightWillow: was almost squashed by a (meteor) remember  
topiaryDreamscape: Speaking of which, I believe I see Rayquaza approaching at speed.  
topiaryDreamscape: We may be expecting him to join the memo shortly.  
grassrootsOptimism: I am surprised he didn’t notice it before, tbh.  
grassrootsOptimism: Might be a result of it being a game thing rather than a naturally occurring meteor.  
bosunSoul: thats a thing???  
counterweightWillow: it is what we speculated when the (meteor) first appeared  
counterweightWillow: its appearance was coincident with a (timer) that we triggered  
counterweightWillow: that happened to reach (zero) at the exact moment of (impact)  
topiaryDreamscape: That seems to be impossible.  
counterweightWillow: we are (legendary pokemon)  
counterweightWillow: nothing is (impossible)  
counterweightWillow: merely (very improbable)  
bosunSoul: thats  
bosunSoul: uh  
grassrootsOptimism: They’ve been hanging out with Mewtwo a lot. He… rubs off a bit.  
skylineCrash [SC] joined the memo.  
grassrootsOptimism: Crap, here we go.  
skylineCrash: WHAT  
skylineCrash: THE  
skylineCrash: FUCK.  
counterweightWillow: everything is (under control)  
skylineCrash: Your region just got hit by a meteor!  
skylineCrash: You do NOT have everything under control!  
skylineCrash: Azelf, where the fuck are you? Lake Valor is gone!  
counterweightWillow: (transported)  
skylineCrash: What.  
counterweightWillow: unable to yet determine where  
counterweightWillow: perhaps  
counterweightWillow: (alternate dimension)  
skylineCrash: Like the Reverse World???  
counterweightWillow: no  
counterweightWillow: however  
counterweightWillow: likely to be (game construct)  
skylineCrash: The game did this?!  
grassrootsOptimism: That’s what we’re thinking.  
grassrootsOptimism: Scroll a little bit up in the memo from where you joined, we were just talking about it.  
skylineCrash: What the actual fuck.  
skylineCrash: So the game is summoning meteors which target the players?!  
skylineCrash: How did we not know about this?!  
notaryMemento: We had not yet connected .  
counterweightWillow: have (suspicions) that (mewtwo) is in fact aware of this  
counterweightWillow: in which case  
counterweightWillow: the other (organizers) and by extension (arceus) are also aware  
skylineCrash: What  
skylineCrash: Why would  
skylineCrash: That makes no sense!  
skylineCrash: Why would they not warn us?!  
grassrootsOptimism: Thinking out loud here…  
grassrootsOptimism: But maybe if we knew, we wouldn’t be playing.  
skylineCrash: Obviously!  
grassrootsOptimism: So… the goal is not ‘avoid the meteors’ it’s ‘play the game’.  
grassrootsOptimism: Or even ‘make it to that place where Azelf is now’.  
counterweightWillow: (land) of (forests) and (spires)  
grassrootsOptimism: What?  
grassrootsOptimism: Oh, that sprite thing.  
grassrootsOptimism: I forgot about that.  
bosunSoul: whats a sprite?  
grassrootsOptimism: It looks like another game construct.  
grassrootsOptimism: To be more specific, it looks like the Golduck figurine somebody left by the lake that I threw into the kernelsprite before entry.  
skylineCrash: Okay.  
skylineCrash: Calming down.  
skylineCrash: I think it might be best if we put the game on hold for now until we establish exactly what’s going on here.  
topiaryDreamscape: I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I believe I see another one.  
skylineCrash: WHAT  
grassrootsOptimism: Wow, felt that one from all the way over here!  
skylineCrash: FUCK THAT WAS KANTO  
skylineCrash [SC] fled the memo.  
grassrootsOptimism: He’s just gonna wear himself out if he tries to catch every single one.  
counterweightWillow: we should return our (attention) to (ourselves)  
grassrootsOptimism: Right, yes.  
grassrootsOptimism: Get me in there before one lands on me.  
notaryMemento: There are issues that require resolving though .  
notaryMemento: Namely ,  
notaryMemento: Darkrai, who is trapped in Alola ,  
notaryMemento: And Mesprit, who left to assist Kalos and cannot be contacted .  
counterweightWillow: (shaymin)  
grassrootsOptimism: Yes!  
counterweightWillow: you will coach (manaphy) in establishing your (connection)  
bosunSoul: ill do my best azelf  
counterweightWillow: (cresselia) should determine if anything can be done to assist (mesprit’s) return  
topiaryDreamscape: I am not sure what I will be able to do, but I will ask around.  
topiaryDreamscape: I will contact our benefactors if necessary.  
counterweightWillow: (uxie) go back to the (hoenn memo)  
counterweightWillow: (latias), (latios) or (rayquaza) when he returns may be able to assist in the return of (darkrai)  
notaryMemento: It will be done .  
counterweightWillow: and when that is done  
counterweightWillow: locate and awaken (heatran)  
grassrootsOptimism: I have a feeling this is going to be a *really* long day.

* * *

boltfromTheblue [BT] began pestering crystallineSlush [CS].  
BT: okay  
BT: i think i lost him  
BT: fuck  
BT: dammit i think i ended up in hoenn  
CS: That’s the most exercise you’ve had in months.  
BT: shut up  
BT: get everything explained to bro ok  
CS: Yes, eventually.  
BT: good good  
BT: ill give it a few then head back so we can get started  
CS: Oh, we started without you.  
BT: you what  
CS: We were all agreed that we should not wait for your return.  
CS: Entei and I, Celebi, Lugia and even father when he returned.  
BT: wait hes back there  
CS: An hour at least.  
BT: that motherfucker  
BT: so wait youre connected already  
CS: Yes.  
BT: youre supposed to wait for me  
BT: im the team leader  
CS: The way I understand it, the first to enter on each team is the team leader.  
CS: Which, at the moment, is our brother.  
BT: but  
BT: entei couldnt lead a conga line  
CS: This is very true.  
CS: He is, however, here, and you are not.  
BT: fuck im on my way back hang on  
CS: You do realize that this will require you being within a short distance of father?  
BT: im still working on that  
CS: And you didn’t realize it before?  
BT: hey i had him between entei and lugia on my list  
BT: i didnt think id have to deal with him  
CS: If you were his team leader…  
BT: hed have to respect me  
CS: Raikou, you—  
CS: Nevermind.  
CS: Get back here.  
BT: omw  
BT: wait  
BT: is that a  
BT: uh  
BT: i think i just saw a meteor come down  
CS: That has been happening, yes.  
BT: you didnt think to tell me  
CS: I thought you knew.  
BT: sis cmon im not psychic type  
BT: uhhhhhhh  
BT: gotta go thats a tidal wave  
BT: cya  
CS: Raikou?  
BT: shiiiiiiiiiiiii  
boltfromTheblue [BT] stopped pestering crystallineSlush [CS].

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Green dragon needs aspirin badly.
> 
> Characters in Homestuck never really reacted to the meteors, beyond John's initial 'I'm about to die' and Dave's sarcasm. Bearing in mind Rayquaza has two jobs and one of them is stopping meteors from hitting the Earth, he warranted a more... panicked reaction. Sinnoh meanwhile is just rolling with the punches, like the well-oiled machine it is.


	7. Kalos: A Really Bad Choice of Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> UN / unilateralNucleate: Diancie  
> GW / gallimaufryWheeze: Mesprit  
> NB / necroticBlame: Yveltal  
> OS / oracularSelenium: Volcanion  
> OO / oddityOdyssey: Hoopa  
> NN / neverNadir: Zygarde  
> UU / ullageUltimatum: Necrozma  
> MN / makeshiftNovelty: Silvally

**KALOS  
Improve Your Processing Speed / A Really Bad Choice Of Words / It's Broken**

theOne [TO] began pestering biologicalComputer [BC].  
TO: Status update.  
BC: STATUS UPDATE REQUESTED.  
TO: I admit I thought that coordinating all of this would be easier.  
TO: Instead we have been served headache after headache.  
TO: …Regigigas?  
BC: STATUS UPDATE ON WHAT?  
TO: Regigigas, *please* improve your processing speed.  
TO: I would like a status update on connections and entries.  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PRINTING:  
BC: [KANTO] DD [ENTERED] < OG [CONNECTED] < DN [CONNECTED] < SW < TT < WS <<<  
BC: [JOHTO] BG [IN PROGRESS] < CS < OT < BB < TM < BT <<<  
BC: [HOENN] TN [ENTERED] < WG [CONNECTED] < NG < GS < SC < GN < TB < NT < GG <<<  
BC: [SINNOH] CW [ENTERED] < GO [CONNECTED] < BS < NM < NU < TD < MO < GW <<<  
BC: [UNOVA] SO < OM < WC < SB < MC < CB/MT/TS < ST < CM < SG < DT <<<  
BC: [KALOS] [NO DATA AVAILABLE - EXPECTED UN < BN < OO < OS < NB < NN <<<]  
BC: [ALOLA] MM [ENTERED] < UM [ENTERED] < SU [IN PROGRESS] < SM [CONNECTED] < MU < SS < UU < MN < MS < US < TK <<<  
BC: [CONTROL] TO < BC < GB < ND < WW < DW < WD < CC <<<  
BC: [SEQUENCE] [SINNOH 1/8] < [JOHTO 0/6] < [HOENN 1/9] < [UNOVA 0/10] < [KANTO 1/6] < [CONTROL 0/8] < [KALOS ?/6] < [ALOLA 2/11]  
BC: [TOTAL] [5/64]  
TO: Everything is proceeding more or less as expected, then, with the exception of Kalos.  
TO: We are committed. There is no turning back.  
TO: Open our connection and deploy the machines.  
TO: Once I’m certain, I’ll move to enter myself.  
BC: COMPLIANCE.  
BC: OPENING CONNECTION…  
BC: CONNECTION ACCEPTED.  
BC: [CONTROL] TO [CONNECTED] BROADCAST TO CONTROL ROOM.  
TO: Good.  
TO: Regigigas, where are the Trio currently located?  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PROCESSING…  
TO: How does finding three Pokemon take longer?  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: PALKIA LOCATED - SINNOH AIRSPACE  
BC: GIRATINA NOT LOCATED - LAST KNOWN IN KALOS AIRSPACE  
BC: DIALGA LOCATED - GALAR AIRSPACE  
TO: Hm. What’s Dialga doing in Galar?  
BC: DIALGA IS NEAR THE BORDER WITH KALOS AIRSPACE.  
TO: …  
TO: He’s about to do something stupid.  
TO: Oh no.  
TO: Do NOT open that cruxtruder until I say so!  
theOne [TO] stopped pestering biologicalComputer [BC].  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: [ALOLA] SU [ENTERED] BROADCAST TO CONTROL ROOM.  
BC: PROCESSING…  
BC: [JOHTO] BG [ENTERED] BROADCAST TO CONTROL ROOM.  
theOne [TO] began pestering biologicalComputer [BC].  
TO:  
TO: R  
TO: Regigigas  
TO:  
TO:   
TO:  
BC: YES?  
TO: Open it  
BC: [CONTROL] TO [IN PROGRESS] BROADCAST TO CONTROL ROOM.

* * *

unilateralNucleate [UN] created memo board KALOS MEMO BOARD.  
unilateralNucleate [UN] opened memo MEMO 1 on board KALOS MEMO BOARD.  
>Please replace this default entry message. There are currently [0] members present.  
>Please make sure to follow the rules and guidelines. Failure to comply will result in a punishment of the moderators’ discretion.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: <none>

poryBot [PB] joined the memo.  
poryBot [PB] assigned itself the ‘moderator’ role.  
[BOT] PB: poryBot v.2.12 initialized.  
gallimaufryWheeze [GW] joined the memo.  
GW: Yes, like that  
UN: Oh  
UN: Good  
GW: @barkNecessarily @necroticBlame @neverNadir @oddityOdyssey @oracularSelenium  
GW:  
GW: @wonkyWindlass  
wonkyWindlass [WW] joined the memo.  
poryBot [PB] gave wonkyWindlass [WW] the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] WW: ITS ABOUT TIME  
GW: I still cannot contact anyone else  
GW: We may still have to wait  
[ADMIN] WW: OH PISS AND WANK  
necroticBlame [NB] joined the memo.  
NB: You’re yn Kalos, dear  
NB: The correct termynology ys ‘merde alors’  
[ADMIN] WW: AND WHAT DOES THAT MEAN  
NB: Much the same thyng  
[ADMIN] WW: THEN  
[ADMIN] WW: MERDE ALORS  
barkNecessarily [BN] joined the memo.  
BN: Why ix the firxt xtep to xpeaking Kaloxian alwayx xwearing?  
NB: Revenge  
BN: Oh.  
UN: What was the point of this again  
GW: We are preparing for a game Mewtwo will send us  
GW: Or rather you are  
GW: Giratina and I must somehow return to Sinnoh  
[ADMIN] WW: I BLAME DIALGA  
oracularSelenium [OS] joined the memo.  
OS: ^^^this  
oracularSelenium [OS] fled the memo.  
NB: Yt’s very easy to blame Dyalga for a lot of thyngs  
NB: He’s very blameable  
BN: You literally have ‘blame’ in your uxer handle.  
NB: Y am also very blameable  
NB: But nobody ys dead so  
BN: True.  
BN: A game, you xaid?  
GW: Yes  
BN: The purpoxe of which ix…?  
[ADMIN] WW: ITS AN IMMERSIVE SIMULATION THAT YOU PLAY IN A GROUP  
NB: Hm  
UN: How is that special  
[ADMIN] WW: IT ALSO WILL BE AND IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE END OF THE WORLD  
UN: What  
BN: What?  
NB: What  
GW: What  
oddityOdyssey [OO] joined the memo.  
OO: what  
oracularSelenium [OS] joined the memo.  
OS: ^^^this  
oracularSelenium [OS] fled the memo.  
NB: Then why even play yt  
[ADMIN] WW: I WORDED IT WRONG MY BAD  
[ADMIN] WW: THE WORLD WILL END REGARDLESS  
[ADMIN] WW: THE GAME PROVIDES OUR SALVATION THROUGH DESTRUCTION  
[ADMIN] WW: REFUSING TO PLAY IS NOT AN OPTION  
[ADMIN] WW: IT WAS NEVER AN OPTION  
[ADMIN] WW: SHIT  
[ADMIN] WW: ER  
[ADMIN] WW: MERDE ALORS  
[ADMIN] WW: THAT WAS A REALLY BAD CHOICE OF WORDS  
[ADMIN] WW: UM  
[ADMIN] WW: I SHOULD SAY  
[ADMIN] WW: THE GAME WILL SAVE US  
[ADMIN] WW: AND PLAYING WILL RETROACTIVELY TRIGGER THE DISASTER  
[ADMIN] WW: THERE IS NO POTENTIAL DIMENSION WHERE THIS DOES NOT HAPPEN  
NB: Y was skeptycal untyl that poynt  
NB: You’ve ynvestygated these potentyal dymensyons?  
[ADMIN] WW: YES  
[ADMIN] WW: ACTUALLY I SHOULD CLARIFY  
[ADMIN] WW: DIMENSIONS WHERE THE GAME WAS NOT PLAYED DID EXIST  
[ADMIN] WW: BUT THEY WERE SYSTEMATICALLY ELIMINATED BY AN EXTERIOR FORCE  
GW: Hmmm  
OO: okay hoopa really doesnt know whats going on but somebody said the word game  
OO: and hoopa is totally down for that!  
OO: so we getting started or what  
GW: In any case we must wait for Mewtwo to send it  
GW: That may take a while  
OO: aww  
GW: From my current perspective he sent it roughly nine hours ago  
GW: In which case it should arrive in about fifteen hours from now  
[ADMIN] WW: THIS MAY CAUSE COORDINATION ISSUES IF WE REMAIN UNABLE TO CONTACT THE OTHER REGIONS  
GW: Mewtwo mentioned that communication ceased immediately after Diancie acknowledged receipt of the game files  
UN: Me  
GW: Yes  
NB: Y can only wonder just how long we’ve been trapped ynsyde thys  
NB: What dyd you call yt  
BN: Time bubble.  
NB: What he sayd  
NB: Obvyously here we have observed no perceptyble dyfference  
[ADMIN] WW: I ARRIVED JUST OVER A WEEK AGO WITH NO PROBLEMS  
OO: hehe no problems  
[ADMIN] WW: SHUT UP  
[ADMIN] WW: !AUTOMOD @NECROTICBLAME  
wonkyWindlass [WW] assigned necroticBlame [NB] the ‘moderator’ role.  
[BOT] PB: Automatic moderator role assigned.  
GW: I do not yet know how I breached the barrier  
GW: I confess I was not paying complete attention to where I was going  
BN: Not paying attention?  
BN: Mexprit, I found you xnoring in a tree.  
BN: You were axleep and very much xo.  
GW: Strange  
GW: I do not recall falling asleep  
GW: But now that you mention it  
GW: There is a memory of a strange dream  
UN: I too have had strange dreams lately  
BN: Ix it weird to xay me too?  
[MOD] NB: Y have not  
OO: yeah but you dont sleep  
OO: at all  
OO: hoopa doesnt really remember his dreams  
OO: cause yknow the whole bound thing  
OO: would be really nice if someoned let him out every once in a while  
[MOD] NB: Absolutely not  
OO: aww  
[ADMIN] WW:  
[MOD] NB: Gyratyna, somethyng on your mynd?  
[ADMIN] WW: WELL  
[ADMIN] WW: UM  
[ADMIN] WW: DREAMS ARE VERY RELEVANT  
[ADMIN] WW: MORE THAN CRESSELIA SAYS  
UN: How relevant  
[ADMIN] WW: GOLDEN CITY  
UN:  
GW:  
BN:  
BN: I axxume from that xtunned xilence that we have all been encountering dreamx of a golden city.  
[ADMIN] WW: ZYGARDE MORE THAN THE REST OF YOU  
wonkyWindlass [WW] forcibly added neverNadir [NN] to the memo.  
WW: @NEVERNADIR AHEM  
NN: zZz Leave me out of this Giratina zZz  
NN: zZz My dreams are private zZz  
NN: zZz My dreamself even more so zZz  
NN: zZz Just leave me alone zZz  
BN: Dreamxelf?  
NN: zZz MERDE zZz  
[ADMIN] WW: SHIT  
NN: zZz Giratina zZz  
NN: zZz I swear to your father zZz  
NN: zZz You are the biggest blabbermouth in existence zZz  
OO: i see your giratina and raise you a regitrio  
NN:  
NN: zZz Okay fair zZz  
NN: zZz But all the same thats not information you want to just put out there zZz  
[ADMIN] WW: SORRY  
[MOD] NB: Well, yt’s out there now  
[MOD] NB: Mynd explaynyng  
NN: zZz Since hes the one who brought it up Giratina can do it zZz  
NN: zZz And he can face the consequences zZz  
[ADMIN] WW: OKAY UH  
[ADMIN] WW: EVERY ONE OF US HAS A REAL SELF AND A DREAM SELF  
[ADMIN] WW: OUR REAL SELVES ARE  
[ADMIN] WW: WELL  
[ADMIN] WW: HERE  
[ADMIN] WW: BUT OUR DREAM SELVES ARE IN A PLACE CALLED THE MEDIUM  
[ADMIN] WW: WHICH IS WHERE THE GAME HAPPENS  
[ADMIN] WW: AND WHEN WE GO TO SLEEP OUR DREAM SELVES WAKE UP  
[ADMIN] WW: AT LEAST  
[ADMIN] WW: ZYGARDE DOES  
NN: zZz I have engaged Solgaleo in conversation zZz  
NN: zZz However I do not know if he has truly awoken or hes just trolling me zZz  
BN: And we… don’t?  
[ADMIN] WW: YOUR DREAMSELFS AWAKENING MUST BE TRIGGERED SOMEHOW  
[ADMIN] WW: IT IS YET UNCLEAR WHAT THIS TRIGGER IS  
UN: I’m not sure what to make of all this  
[MOD] NB: Yt ys a lot to take yn at once, certaynly  
[MOD] NB: Y feel lyke Y’m myssyng out  
NN: zZz You are not here zZz  
NN: zZz Neither are Hoopa Volcanion or Giratina zZz  
[MOD] NB: What  
NN: zZz You must be on the other moon zZz  
[MOD] NB: What other moon  
[MOD] NB: Zygarde dear, you’re just as bad as Gyratyna  
NN: zZz I resent that zZz  
[ADMIN] WW: THERE ARE TWO MOONS WITHIN THE MEDIUM  
[ADMIN] WW: ORBITING PLANETS CALLED PROSPIT AND DERSE  
[ADMIN] WW: HALF OF US ARE ABOVE PROSPIT AND HALF DERSE  
GW: I suppose the biggest question would be why  
GW: Why do these dream selves exist  
GW: And how are they connected to the game  
BN: Yex.  
oracularSelenium [OS] joined the memo.  
OS: ^^^this  
oracularSelenium [OS] fled the memo.  
GW: Why does he keep doing that  
[MOD] NB: Forgyve hym, he’s antysocyal  
[ADMIN] WW: DONT KNOW  
[ADMIN] WW: WASNT TOLD THAT PART  
[ADMIN] WW: DONT REALLY THINK OTHERS KNOW EITHER  
NN: zZz It certainly isnt a coincidence zZz  
NN: zZz But beyond that zZz  
OO: how much longer do we have to wait again  
GW: By now  
GW: Fourteen hours and thirty minutes  
OO: aww

* * *

UU: ITS BROKEN  
MN: It probably isnt  
MN: You cant get the hang of technology can you :/  
UU: ITS BROKEN  
UU: ITS BROKEN  
MN: Calm down  
MN: How is it broken?  
ullageUltimatum [UU] sent makeshiftNovelty [MN] the file 48126740.jpg.  
UU: ITS BROKEN  
MN: Uh wow  
MN: Yeah thats broken  
MN: Um  
MN: You might wanna ask somebody who knows more about that  
MN: Like  
MN: Mewtwo or somebody  
UU: ITS BROKEN  
MN: What and you think I know how to fix it?  
MN: Wish Lunala was awake shed know what to do :(  
UU: ILL WAKE HER UP  
MN: No!  
MN: No dont do that  
MN: I mean shes nice most of the time but if you disturb her sleep  
MN: Shell eat both of us :(  
UU: BUT  
UU: ITS BROKEN  
MN: Ill see if I can get Mewtwo hang on

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Giratina's presented here as that kind of person who speaks before he thinks, and has been told to keep stuff out of public knowledge but *really* wants to tell somebody and accidentally ends up doing so anyway.
> 
> So, a couple of fun facts about this chapter:  
> 1: The reason Diancie opens a memo board in the first place was that in the previous Dialga/Palkia conversation I had Dialga mention that a possible reason for the lack of communication was that they'd only started using Pesterchum a couple of days before (and thus nobody could message accounts that technically didn't exist yet). Then I realized that the Forces of Nature hadn't been seen in months but they still had to have handles that people knew about so I took that out, but opening up a new memo board still happened to break up the monotony.  
> 2: Regigigas' little infodump was mainly an excuse to establish a proper connection chain. Then I did it, and discovered - hey, there's 64 legendaries! That's 8 squared! That means I could conceivably use just eight letters in the usernames and use every combination of them! This was ruined by the fact that I'd already used eleven different letters and gotten too attached to the usernames I'd already used, and a later discovery that I'd miscounted and there were actually 66 (hence that group of three clustered up together in Unova). 64 became kind of important later.
> 
> There are actually 68 legendaries (not counting pre-evolutions), but as per the tags this story doesn't feature Melmetal or Eternatus.


	8. Intermission 2: Alchemizing!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Skipping ahead a little here...
> 
> Featuring guest debuts from:  
> CM / chasingMendacity: Zekrom  
> GS / groundShaker: Groudon
> 
> This chapter was posted for Christmas Day, 2019.

**INTERMISSION 2: ALCHEMIZING!  
shit, let's be santa**

wonkyWindlass (Giratina) and doctorWhom (Dialga)  
  
WW: SO WHAT HAPPENS NOW  
DW: Now?  
DW: We alchemize like it’s Christmas, apparently.  
WW: ITS AUGUST  
WW: WHATS ALCHEMIZE  
DW: According to this rather lengthy manual that Mewtwo’s been sending around, we use the codes on the back of captchalogue cards, put them in the Punch Designix, punch cards, and then overlap different cards to produce different things with the Totem Lathe and the Alchemiter.  
WW: OH  
WW: CONDITIONAL LOGIC OK  
DW: This is setting aside the fact that we’re apparently creating matter from thin air.  
DW: Palkia is not going to be happy when she wakes up.  
WW: WAIT HANG ON  
WW: CAPTCHALOGUE CARDS  
DW: That’s right.  
WW: THAT INVENTORY SYSTEM WE WENT FOR SIX CHAPTERS AND AN INTERMISSION WITHOUT MENTIONING  
DW: …What?  
DW: Are you feeling okay, Giratina?  
WW: I PRESIDE OVER ALL ALTERNATE DIMENSIONS  
WW: I AM ENTITLED TO BREAK THE FOURTH WALL WHEN ITS FUNNY  
DW:  
DW: No, I’m not even going to question it.  
DW: Grab some items and take them to the Punch Designix.  
WW: AND WHILE WERE DOING THAT LETS SEE WHAT SOME OTHERS ARE DOING

* * *

thunderbirbTwo (Zapdos) and sleuthWolf (Zacian)  
  
TT: ngl that is pretty cool  
SW: -|===> Very.  
SW: -|===> Any other suggestions?  
TT: sword and that book over there  
SW: -|===> Which one?  
TT: the big thick one  
TT: with the green cover  
SW: -|===> I think that’s one of Zamazenta’s actually. I forgot I still had it.  
SW: -|===> Let’s see…  
SW: -|===> My sword || this graphic novel of Zamazenta’s… is a paper sword.  
TT: i don’t know what i was expecting  
TT: could be worse  
TT: could be a sword made of smut  
SW: -|===> Alas, it is a genuine graphic novel, not gay pornography.  
SW: -|===> Doing them &&… is extremely expensive.  
TT: yowza  
TT: that is hideously expensive  
TT: reminds me of my tv bill

* * *

twiceMulticolored (Ho-oh) and boltfromTheblue (Raikou)  
  
TM: WHAT IS ‘CAPTCHALOGUE’?  
BT: nooooooo  
BT: why dont you know about this already  
BT: cmon dad  
BT: the techs older than mewtwo is  
TM: MEWTWO’S AGE MEANS NOTHING.  
TM: SHE IS THE THIRD YOUNGEST OF ALL OF US.  
TM: A BLINK AGAINST OUR AEONS.  
BT: he  
TM: WHAT?  
BT: mewtwos a guy dad  
TM: DON’T BE RIDICULOUS.  
BT: why do you have to be so old

* * *

nestedTempo (Latios) and tsunamiBeluga (Kyogre)  
  
NT: What in the name of sanity have you got on your head.  
TB: ~~~I don’t see the problem here  
TB: ~~~It’s just a hat  
TB: ~~~I wear hats now  
NT: …You’re wearing a cruise liner.  
NT: Did you seriously spend all of that time collecting grist so you could make yourself a cruise liner to wear on your head?  
TB: ~~~The imps are useless  
TB: ~~~Their spoils go to a greater cause  
NT: Tell me you left some so you can make more cards.  
TB: ~~~A much greater cause  
NT: Damn it, Kyogre.

* * *

topiaryDreamscape (Cresselia) and nightmareUnleaded (Darkrai)  
  
TD: That seems like a… questionable decision.  
NU: TO YOU MAYBE.  
TD: Darkrai, I appreciate that we don’t get along very well,  
TD: But I’m just concerned that making weapons by alchemizing a solid manifestation of a nightmare is going to lead to problems down the road.  
TD: What would happen if somebody other than yourself touched it?  
NU: THEY’D DIE.  
TD: And?  
NU: AND WHAT.  
NU: THEY SHOULDN’T HAVE TOUCHED IT THEN.  
NU: IT’S MY WEAPON.  
NU: IF THEY CAN’T SEE THAT THEN THEY’RE NOT WORTH MY TIME.  
TD: Damn it, Darkrai.

* * *

chasingMendacity (Zekrom) and scimitarGamma (Virizion)  
  
CM: WHY HAVEN’T YOU MADE ANYTHING?  
SG: Kyurem is refusing to put down the Punch Designix.  
SG: He seems determined to go through this with less than the minimal amount of effort required.  
SG: So I can at least make myself useful by assisting you.  
SG: Have you tried combining the  
SG: Are you wearing sunglasses?  
CM: THEY ARE MY NEW COMPUTER.  
CM: I AM USING THEM TO TALK TO YOU.  
SG: Can you see where you’re going while you’re wearing them?  
CM: NO.

* * *

necroticBlame (Yveltal) and oracularSelenium (Volcanion)  
  
NB: Thys whole thyng would be a lot easyer yf you would just talk to me  
NB: Rather than waytyng for me to say what you want to and just sayyng ‘thys’  
NB: You’re not a hatchlyng  
NB: Are you seryously waytyng for me to do all the talkyng  
NB: Or maybe you’re just a lazy fool  
OS: ^^^this  
NB: A method of communycatyon that falls apart yf y happen to type too quyckly and make you come across as an ymbecyle  
OS: at least i can spell imbecile correctly  
NB: …  
NB: Y am not havyng thys conversatyon wyth you just so you can ynsult my quyrk  
OS: what even is that accent  
NB: Y am begynnyng to regret acceptyng you as my clyent player  
NB: Yf we are to do thys properly we need to work together  
NB: Now try combynyng those ytems there  
NB: What  
NB: What ys that  
NB: Zut  
NB: Ys that just a sygn that says ‘thys’ and an arrow poyntyng upwards  
OS: ^^^this  
NB: …  
NB: Y’m too tyred to deal wyth thys

* * *

sevenStar (Marshadow) and monarchUkulele (Tapu Lele)  
  
SS: you look like a tourist  
MU: Crap, you’re right.  
MU: This *is* what all Alolan tourists look like.  
SS: why are you even making clothes  
SS: we dont wear them  
MU: You should see Solgaleo.  
MU: He’s wearing a tuxedo!  
MU: And it actually works!  
SS: why  
MU: …I don’t know.

* * *

theOne (Arceus) and biologicalComputer (Regigigas)  
  
TO: …Regigigas.  
TO: Understand I am in no way questioning your intellect. You are a computer yourself.  
TO: But I have tried the combination you provided.  
TO: It has produced a toy Furret which won’t stop walking.  
TO: Why?  
BC: NO DATA AVAILABLE.

* * *

decibelDrama (Mew) and offensiveGlaceon (Articuno)  
  
DD: this is the best thing  
DD: ever  
DD: i can’t even  
DD: just  
DD: wow  
OG: Are you done  
DD: nope  
OG: Okay then  
OG: Here’s my opinion  
OG: It sucks  
DD: you what  
OG: It’s a diorama made out of fucking pipe cleaners  
OG: Zapdos is yellow not green  
OG: My beak is not that long  
OG: And Moltr  
OG: Wait  
OG: Is that  
OG: Felt tip  
DD: where  
OG: On his neck  
DD: no it’s whiteboard marker  
OG: You are a horrible Pokemon

* * *

beastieBirb (Lugia) and outtaTime (Celebi)  
  
BB: How did we end up at a metaphorical discussion about fetch modii again?  
OT: my future self said it would be a good thing to talk about.  
OT: my future self from about…  
OT: right now. damn it.  
OT: brb  
BB: So basically you caught yourself in a repeating loop.  
BB: Good job, Celebi.  
BB: Real good job.  
BB: How did it come to this?  
BB: You know, I had a really good life about forty-eight hours ago.  
BB: I guided the ocean currents and only got beaten up by my trio once every few days.  
BB: Now I’m stuck here on a water planet with no currents whatsoever being beaten up by imps every few minutes, playing snap with captchalogue cards and waiting for you to dick around in the past.  
BB: Pardon my language.  
OT: demand to see life’s manager!  
BB: That’s Xerneas and none of it was his fault.  
OT: i was trying to lighten the mood with a reference, come on!  
OT: make life take the lemons back!  
BB: I’m allergic to citrus.  
OT: lugiaaaaaa

* * *

nominalGneiss (Regirock) and groundShaker (Groudon)  
  
NG: T H I S _ S E E M S _ L I K E _ A _ B A D _ I D E A  
GS: THAT’S. BECAUSE. IT. IS. ONE.  
GS: NOW. SHUT. UP. AND. COMBINE. THE. CARDS.  
nominalGneiss [NG]’s computer exploded.  
GS: WELL. SHIT.

* * *

bosunSoul (Manaphy) and notaryMemento (Uxie)  
  
BS: this is very complicated!  
BS: but i think i get it!  
NM: i’m glad about that .  
NM: because i still don’t .  
BS: well i think i got the maths right  
BS: you could make trillions of things!  
BS: i wonder if i could make a house  
NM: you’re doing that already for shaymin .  
BS: i mean a captcha house  
BS: do you think a drawing of a house and a brick will work  
NM: where did you get the brick from ?  
NM: manaphy ?  
bosunSoul [BS]’s computer exploded.  
NM: how did you even do that ?

* * *

winCondition (Victini) and octetMelody (Meloetta)  
  
WC: how did you even do that  
WC: and why didnt i think of it first  
OM: You were too busy gushing over the shades you made with Cobalion~  
WC: dammit everyone on this team needs a good pair of shades  
WC: ok how did you do it  
OM: Take a selfie~  
WC: done  
OM: Get the captcha code~  
WC: done  
OM: Punch it~  
WC: done  
WC: we workin on some kinda duet here  
OM: If you like~!  
OM: Now do the same for any plush toy you have sitting around~  
WC: sec  
WC: done  
OM: And combine them together~!  
WC: ffs  
WC: you troll  
WC: this is just a plush photograph  
OM: Combine them the *other* way~  
WC:  
WC: i meant to do that

* * *

oddityOdyssey (Hoopa) and barkNecessarily (Xerneas)  
  
OO: hoopa is missing out  
OO: hoopa is booooooooored  
BN: You don’t necexxarily need Volcanion’x help to alchemize.  
OO: but  
OO: hoopa is still bound  
OO: cant kill imps cant get grist cant leave the area  
BN: Can you not juxt uxe your ringx to make them fall to their death?  
OO: some bastard gave them wings!  
BN: Oh right.  
BN: Wait…  
BN: Weren’t you the one who threw a Xpearow into my kernelxprite?  
OO: uhhh  
OO: hoopa guesses so  
OO: hoopa messed up again :(

* * *

makeshiftNovelty (Silvally) and moietySatellite (Lunala)  
  
MN: Lunala help!!!!!  
MS: What’s the matter?  
MN: Necrozma alchemized a sentient jpeg and its trying to eat him

* * *

DW: I’m back.  
DW: I thought we might try a  
DW: What are you doing?  
DW: Is that a Christmas tree?  
WW: MERRY CHRISTMAS AND/OR HAPPY HOLIDAYS  
DW: …It’s August.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy [insert choice of winter holiday here], everybody.


	9. Control: I Wish To See This For Myself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And now back to our irregularly scheduled idiocy.
> 
> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> ND / nebulaDiscursor: Deoxys

**CONTROL  
Taxi Driver / I Wish To See This For Myself / Damn You Future Me**

NT: Exactly.  
NM: I’m disappointed .  
NM: I thought you would be willing and able .  
NT: Are you kidding?  
NT: My sister has usurped control of our team and you think I’d be willing and able to divert myself to Alola and then Sinnoh?  
NT: And not only that, but she hacked my access so I can’t even load the game in the first place.  
NT: I don’t have time to play the taxi driver.  
NM: Very well .  
NM: I will have to wait for Rayquaza to return .  
NT: Yeah, good luck with that.  
NT: He’s been catatonic ever since he tried to stop that one from hitting Jirachi and just split it in half and it landed anyway.  
NT: I’m sorry that Darkrai’s stuck in Alola but as I’ve said it’s not my problem and I’ve got bigger issues.  
NT: Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got to try and fix this.  
nestedTempo [NT] stopped pestering notaryMemento [NM].

* * *

Arceus joined memo THE CONTROL ROOM on board SPEAR PILLAR.  
>Welcome to Spear Pillar. How’d you get here? There are currently [5] members present.  
>Why would you try to break the rules here, of all places?  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present administrators: walkaboutDistributor [WD]  
>Present moderators: catsClone [CC], biologicalComputer [BC], poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: nebulaDiscursor [ND], geneticBees [GB]  
>Your current username setting is: [REAL]. Type /names short or /names long to change this.  
>MOTD: Coordination is crucial, stay alert. -DW

poryBot gave Arceus the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I’m back.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Does anyone know why @biologicalComputer isn’t responding to my messages?  
Genesect: CTTTCTTGCTGGTTCGAUGUTCGTAGAUTGTGGTCAAUGGTTAUTCCTGGCC  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Entering?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: But I have yet to  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Hm.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Wait.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: You haven’t entered yet?  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Regigigas passed through an update saying you had.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: And Spear Pillar definitely isn’t there any more.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: …  
Deoxys: did sum1 hack yr account  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Unlikely. We already have proof courtesy of Latias that that doesn’t fool Regigigas.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: No, if it says I have entered, then I have entered in some way.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I however am still here on Earth.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: This is time travel shit isn’t it.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: DIALGA  
[ADMIN] Palkia: @DOCTORWHOM  
[ADMIN] Palkia: YOU PRICK  
Dialga joined the memo.  
poryBot gave Dialga the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Now what is it?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I would not be so hasty in blaming Dialga.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Rest assured I have been with him for the last hour over Kalos.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Speaking of which, @catsClone We currently do not have to worry about Kalos.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: noted.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: dealing with a situation in alola, stand by.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: How can it be anyone else’s fault??  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Father, please.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Palkia, don’t be so quick to apportion blame.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I’m currently reviewing my chat history.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Shortly after I left Sinnoh for Galar, I did appear to log back on and ask Regigigas to initiate my entry procedure.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: However, Dialga had already been over Galar for twenty minutes by that point, and remained there until I joined him.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Yeah but that just means it’s his future self’s fault.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Don’t press me. I am stressed out of my mind.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: I have got the mother of all headaches right now.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: I feel fine.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Yeah well, you would.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Time isn’t tearing apart at the seams like space is.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Debatable.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Point is it hurts every time somebody enters.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Are you fit to remain in your current position in the schedule, or would you like to be moved up?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I had hoped the two of you could remain as long as possible to ensure no full breakdowns occur before everybody else has had a chance.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: I might need assistance if anything does happen…  
[ADMIN] Palkia: But other than that, I’m good. I think.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Besides, *somebody* needs to make sure Dialga doesn’t do anything catastrophic.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Regardless, I will be requiring either his or Celebi’s assistance in later returning to Spear Pillar at that time and completing my entry.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: @catsClone Situation?  
[MOD] Mewtwo: necrozma’s anti-technology curse has struck again and he has very much damaged his terminal.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: it’s one of the things zygarde alerted us to last week though, so a replacement is already en route.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: the issue is calming necrozma down and making sure he doesn’t break the new one.  
Deoxys: wat an 1d10t  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Deoxys, that was uncalled for.  
Deoxys: sry  
[ADMIN] Arceus: What’s the current update on Unova?  
[MOD] Mewtwo: keldeo has convinced meloetta, victini, virizion and terrakion, and i believe he is fighting cobalion.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: i’m afraid i’m not entirely up-to-date on his progress, though.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: cobalion has locked down all outbound communication because he’s waiting to hear from us, and kyurem has locked down all inbound communication because he’s convinced none of this is going to work.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: meloetta’s tower seems to be insulating her from the block but i’ve not heard from her in a while either.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: we’re just lucky that genesect is out of the region.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Why is Unova always the last?  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Everybody else has got a foot in the door already.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: I could start a Long Game and plant Celebi in there.  
Genesect: TUGGUCCTTGAU  
Genesect: TCAUTGCGCTTCAAGCUCCTAGAGTGAUAUTCCTCCCGTTTTCGTCGTTUCCCGCGAUTC  
[ADMIN] Palkia: He’s got a point.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Your subordinate is an awful liar.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: I tried asking her why she didn’t bring Darkrai back herself and she got angry with me for calling her an awful liar.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: Wait…  
[ADMIN] Palkia: …  
[ADMIN] Palkia: DAMNIT  
[ADMIN] Dialga: What?  
[ADMIN] Palkia: She got angry with me for saying something I hadn’t said yet.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: And, like an idiot, I brought it up myself anyway.  
past Celebi joined memo 3 WEEKS AGO.  
past Celebi: i’m not an awful liar!  
past Celebi: i’m just very bad at roleplaying!  
[ADMIN] Arceus:  
[ADMIN] Dialga:  
[ADMIN] Palkia:  
[MOD] Mewtwo:  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Celebi, how did you get access to this memo three weeks ago?!  
past Celebi: oh, palkia’s about to ping me.  
past Celebi: and you know me!  
past Celebi: i can’t be expected to just pass up a chance to troll her!  
[ADMIN] Palkia: YOU LITTLE SHIT  
past Celebi: so what’s the current topic of discussion?  
past Celebi: looks interesting!  
[ADMIN] Dialga: …  
[ADMIN] Dialga: No.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: We’re not doing this now.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: You can find out about it with everybody else in three weeks’ time.  
past Celebi: yessir boss.  
past Celebi: @walkaboutdistributor nice seeing you again!  
[ADMIN] Palkia: NO  
[ADMIN] Palkia: DIALGA  
[ADMIN] Palkia: I DEMAND THAT YOU PUNISH HER THIS INSTANT  
past Celebi: :p  
past Celebi: i’m getting out of here before i can be blocked.  
past Celebi: cya!  
past Celebi fled the memo.  
[ADMIN] Palkia: GET BACK HERE @OUTTATIME  
[ADMIN] Palkia:  
Palkia fled the memo.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: and the circle of stupidity is complete.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Mewtwo, that wasn't nice.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Dialga.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: I know, I know.  
Dialga fled the memo.  
Deoxys: wat  
[MOD] Mewtwo: yes, that is a valid response to that conversation.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Mewtwo, question.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: If all external communication into and out of Unova has been blocked, how are you getting status updates from Keldeo?  
[MOD] Mewtwo: technically speaking i’m not.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: before kyurem decided to be stubborn, but when it was looking likely, i cloned genesect’s account and parked it in the unova memo.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: while i can’t view the private conversations, so long as it’s posted, we can see it.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: unfortunately cobalion isn’t likely to believe us using it.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: he seems to be in the mindset that since we’re not stepping in, we’re not deeming him important enough to bother with.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Troubling.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I shall have to speak with him when we are all entered.  
[MOD] Regigigas: [CONTROL] BC [ENTERED]  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Ah, there we go.  
[MOD] Regigigas: UPDATING…  
[MOD] Regigigas: [KANTO] OG [ENTERED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [KANTO] SW [CONNECTED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [JOHTO] CS [ENTERED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [JOHTO] OT [CONNECTED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [HOENN] NG [CONNECTED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [SINNOH] GO [ENTERED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [SINNOH] BS [ENTERED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [ALOLA] SM [ENTERED]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [SINNOH 3/8] < [JOHTO 2/6] < [HOENN 2/9] < [UNOVA 0/10] < [KANTO 2/6] < [CONTROL 2/8] < [KALOS ?/6] < [ALOLA 4/11]  
[MOD] Regigigas: [TOTAL] [15/64]  
[BOT] poryBot: Handing over primary bot functions to Regigigas.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: are you sure we don’t need to worry about kalos?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Positive.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: even though we and sinnoh cannot complete until mesprit and giratina have been extracted?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Actually, I believe the solution to that problem will present itself fairly soon.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Was there not a message passed on from Zygarde to Marshadow?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Concerning a countdown?  
[MOD] Mewtwo: hm. yes, but i’ll take your word for its relevance.  
Deoxys: y is it zygard who gets the futur stuf  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Because we have yet to awaken.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: It will not be as easy for us as it was for him, of that I’m certain.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Deoxys, bring Genesect in. We need him working logistics with Regigigas.  
Deoxys: k  
Genesect: CTTTUCCTGAGAACAUATGTGGAU  
[MOD] Mewtwo: at which point we become stuck until giratina rejoins us.  
[MOD] Regigigas: [HOENN] NG [IN PROGRESS]  
[MOD] Mewtwo: ducking out again to assist necrozma.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Very well.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Regigigas, were there any issues with any part of your entry?  
[MOD] Regigigas: PROCESSING…  
[MOD] Regigigas: PROCESSING…  
Deoxys: hehe  
[MOD] Regigigas: PROCESSING…  
[MOD] Regigigas: NO.  
[MOD] Regigigas: ARRIVAL IN THE LAND OF SHALE AND MOSS WAS UNEVENTFUL.  
[MOD] Regigigas: TREVENANTSPRITE HAS BEEN JUDGED TO BE ANNOYING.  
[ADMIN] Arceus:  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Out of curiosity, what is happening in my ‘Land’ right now?  
[MOD] Regigigas: EXAMINING…  
Deoxys: wat  
[MOD] Regigigas: LAND OF SAND AND SEASONS IS QUIET.  
[MOD] Regigigas: SNEASELSPRITE IS IDLE.  
[MOD] Regigigas: YOU ARE UNCONSCIOUS.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: …  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Message me privately with archive footage of my entry.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I wish to see this for myself.  
[MOD] Regigigas: COMPLIANCE.  
Genesect: ATAUGTUGUTTGTGTTGTGUCCAUTTTTCTGGCCATCTTGTTTCAAAGTTAUAT  
Genesect: UTGTTUGCTUTGTTAGGTGCGUGAAUTTAUGCUTAUGGTTTCUTGUTCGTAGAUATTUTCAU  
Deoxys: um  
Deoxys: can sum1 tell me wat hes sayin  
Deoxys: i cant read tht  
[ADMIN] Arceus: @catsClone When you have a moment, please send Deoxys Genesect’s translation key.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I will be reviewing this footage. Do not hesitate to ping me if something happens.

* * *

doctorWhom [DW] began pestering outtaTime [OT].  
DW: This hourglass is the universe.  
OT: and each grain is an eternity.  
OT: what do you need, boss?  
DW: An apology.  
OT: oh boy.  
OT: is it something i haven’t done yet?  
OT: damn you, future me!  
DW: Do not toy with me, Celebi.  
DW: You know exactly what I’m talking about.  
DW: I find it extremely unlikely that you would have forgotten.  
OT: forgotten?  
OT: oh!  
OT: was today the day i assaulted the control room?  
OT: i mean, yeah, it was a little rude of me to barge in like that.  
OT: and, see, i didn’t tell anyone!  
DW: That’s not what I want the apology for!  
DW: And it’s not me you should be apologizing to!  
OT:  
OT: i don’t get it.  
OT: wait.  
OT: you want me to apologize to palkia???  
OT: what for?  
DW: I don’t know, for manipulating her?  
DW: For humiliating her when she’s already stressed?  
OT: it wasn’t that bad!  
DW: CELEBI.  
OT: uh oh.  
DW: MY SISTER.  
DW: IS CRYING.  
OT: uh.  
OT: like full-on crying, or  
DW: I will put it to you simply, Celebi.  
DW: Palkia has *never* cried like this before.  
DW: Not once in the billions of years we’ve been alive.  
DW: *You* pushed her past her breaking point.  
OT: i didn’t mean it!  
DW: It’s not me you have to convince.  
DW: But you’re going to have to do a damn sight better than that.  
DW: I’m also going to ask you this:  
DW: Did you have *anything* to do with Arceus’s entry?  
OT: yes but only because he asked me to.  
OT: i’m about to enter now but i did a lot of bouncing around a little while ago.  
DW: That’s fair. I’m not going to get on your case about that.  
DW: Still.  
DW: I am going to inform Lugia that he is not to commence your entry procedure until he receives word from me.  
DW: And he will not be receiving that word until Palkia tells me you’ve apologized properly.  
DW: After that I suggest you clamp down on your… trolling.  
DW: Because, I promise this:  
DW: If you ever  
DW: *ever*  
DW: Hurt her feelings like that again?  
DW: I cannot be held responsible for what I will do.  
OT: but…  
OT: she’ll just say…  
DW: I have made it clear to her that she is only to reject it if it is genuinely a bad apology.  
OT: oh right.  
OT: you had to give her an awkward hug?  
DW: It’s none of your business.  
OT: …right.  
OT: awkward hug it is.  
DW: Don't keep her waiting long.  
doctorWhom [DW] stopped pestering outtaTime [OT].


	10. Unova: And Now I Am A Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Characters' first appearances:
> 
> SM / solarMaverick: Solgaleo  
> ST / sabreTango: Terrakion  
> MT / milestoneTwister: Tornadus  
> CB / cumuloBurnout: Thundurus  
> TS / thousandSiroccos: Landorus  
> MC / mordantConcept: Reshiram
> 
> And a reminder, since it's been a while since they appeared:
> 
> TN / tenaciousNova: Latias  
> DT / dualistTao: Kyurem

**UNOVA  
A Nice Architecture Exercise / And Now I Am A Hero / Poking A Switch With A Stick**

solarMaverick [SM] began pestering blazingGlory [BG].  
SM: I must confess I still have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing in this game.  
SM: I mean, I have a sprite thing, but it seems to be more concerned with sleeping than informing me about anything.  
SM: And what am I supposed to do with this house thing that appeared where Tapu Bulu entered?  
SM: It’s a nice architecture exercise, to be sure, but I’ve got no idea what I’m supposed to *do* with it.  
SM: Oh. I just realized that you were the first one in on your team, so you’re not actually anybody’s server and you’re the wrong person to ask.  
SM: Sorry. I’ll try somebody else.  
solarMaverick [SM] stopped pestering blazingGlory [BG].  
BG: How do you type so fast

* * *

tenaciousNova [TN] joined memo UNOVA GENERAL on board THE TRACK SO GOOD THEY PLAYED IT TWICE.  
>Unova memo. There are currently [10] members present.  
>Don’t lie to the mods. Reshiram doesn’t like that.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: mordantConcept [MC], chasingMendacity [CM], dualistTao [DT], poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: surfeitObjection [SO], octetMelody [OM], winCondition [WC], swordBravo [SB], scimitarGamma [SG], sabreTango [ST], geneticBees [GB]  
>Your current username setting is: [SHORT]. Type /names long or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: 

dualistTao [DT] blocked tenaciousNova [TN] from responding to memo.  
tenaciousNova [TN] joined the memo.  
Rejoining within five minutes. Join messages skipped.  
TN: you can’t keep me out, kyurem!  
dualistTao [DT] blocked tenaciousNova [TN] from responding to memo.  
tenaciousNova [TN] joined the memo.  
Rejoining within five minutes. Join messages skipped.  
TN: you sure you want to play this game with me?!  
dualistTao [DT] blocked tenaciousNova [TN] from responding to memo.  
tenaciousNova [TN] joined the memo.  
Rejoining within five minutes. Join messages skipped.  
poryBot [PB] gave tenaciousNova [TN] the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] TN: take that, you antisocial popsicle!  
dualistTao [DT] was unable to block tenaciousNova [TN] from responding to memo.  
[ADMIN] TN: a-HA!  
[MOD] DT: GET out  
[ADMIN] TN: how about no?  
[ADMIN] TN: i come and go where i like!  
[MOD] DT: LATIAS  
[MOD] DT: LEAVE  
[MOD] DT: NOW  
tenaciousNova [TN] muted dualistTao [DT] for five (5) minutes. (Reason: nope)  
[ADMIN] TN: ah, much better.  
SG: That was… bold.  
SG: Are you certain you will face no repercussions?  
[ADMIN] TN: what’s he going to do about it?  
SG: Well, freeze you.  
[ADMIN] TN: he can’t freeze what he can’t catch.  
[ADMIN] TN: so what’s going on in here then?  
[ADMIN] TN: why the lockdown?  
SG: …We’re locked down?  
[ADMIN] TN: well, yeah.  
[ADMIN] TN: nobody can even see this memo.  
[ADMIN] TN: i had to break out some pretty advanced hacks to get in here.  
[ADMIN] TN: you mean you hadn’t noticed?  
SG:   
SG: COBALION! @swordBravo  
ST: He’s a bit occupied kickin’ the kid’s plot again.  
SG: They’re fighting *again*?!  
[ADMIN] TN: who?  
ST: Keldeo.  
ST: He’s fightin’ Cobalion so as he can get everyone to play some sort of game.  
[ADMIN] TN: oh, the game.  
[ADMIN] TN: we’re already miles ahead of you, by the way.  
SG: You’re playing?  
[ADMIN] TN: hoenn team leader right here.  
[ADMIN] TN: hold the applause, no autographs please, etc.  
[ADMIN] TN: cobalion doesn’t want to play?  
SG: He’s waiting for confirmation that it’s what we’re supposed to do from somebody higher up.  
[ADMIN] TN: so wait.  
[ADMIN] TN: what?  
[ADMIN] TN: he’s not letting you play because nobody told him he’s got to?  
ST: Basically.  
[ADMIN] TN: he’s a fucking idiot.  
SG: Which is what both of us said.  
SG: And he wouldn’t let any of us go out and ask anybody.  
[ADMIN] TN: …so he won’t do anything until somebody comes here and tells him what to do and nobody can come here and tell him what to do because i’m guessing kyurem locked the memo.  
[ADMIN] TN: you guys are *all* idiots.  
SG: Tell me this - is Rayquaza aware of all the small meteor strikes that have been happening in the region lately?  
[ADMIN] TN: yeah, the world’s ending.  
SG: What.  
ST: What.  
[ADMIN] TN: that’s what the game does, it takes the players someplace else.  
[ADMIN] TN: i’m in a place called the land of windchimes and mirrors, and it is *amazing*.  
[ADMIN] TN: i mean, alto mare’s probably toast by now but who cares.  
SG: …You’re being awfully flippant about this.  
[ADMIN] TN: sure, i panicked at first.  
[ADMIN] TN: but then i realized that i could be an idiot and panic or i could be a hero and get things done.  
[ADMIN] TN: so i got things done and now i am a hero.  
tenaciousNova [TN] changed swordBravo [SB]’s username to stupidBastard [SB].  
[ADMIN] TN: let’s see if that gets his attention.  
[ADMIN] TN: anybody else watching wanting to get a word in?  
[ADMIN] TN: victini? reshiram? zekrom? no?  
[ADMIN] TN: and no forces of nature?  
ST: Tornadus, Thundurus and Landorus have been missin’ for months.  
ST: We’ve tried messagin’ them but heard nothin’ back.  
[ADMIN] TN: oh *really*?  
[ADMIN] TN: so if i do this…  
tenaciousNova [TN] forcibly added milestoneTwister [MT] to the memo.  
[ADMIN] TN: and then this…  
tenaciousNova [TN] cranked milestoneTwister [MT]’s alert volume to the maximum.  
[ADMIN] TN: and then *this*…  
[ADMIN] TN: @milestonetwister @milestonetwister @milestonetwister  
MT: \\_/ AUGH  
[ADMIN] TN: …i’ve probably deafened him. but he’s not dead, anyway.  
SG: …Remind me never to make you angry.  
tenaciousNova [TN] gave scimitarGamma [SG] one (1) kudos!  
SG: …Does this chat system even *have* kudos?  
WC: oh hi latias  
WC: whatre you doing here  
[ADMIN] TN: checking out the competition.  
[ADMIN] TN: psst hey we’re winning at the moment.  
WC: only because were not playing yet  
[ADMIN] TN: keep telling yourself that.  
[MOD] DT: WE are NOT playing AT all  
[MOD] DT: LEAVE  
[ADMIN] TN: back in the box.  
tenaciousNova [TN] muted duelistTao [DT] for ten (10) minutes. (Reason: still nope)  
tenaciousNova [TN] changed duelistTao [DT]’s username to dissidentTwat [DT].  
SG: I do not envy the hole you’re digging for yourself.  
[ADMIN] TN: eh it’s not like it’s hard to change it back.  
[ADMIN] TN: anybody got eyes on that fight? are they nearly done?  
WC: keldeos getting his ass kicked  
WC: hard  
WC: bet hes regretting not accepting my help  
SG: He didn’t accept your help the first time because he wanted to show Cobalion he was capable of leading our team.  
SG: He has… done little to assuage Cobalion’s fears.  
[ADMIN] TN: should’ve just done what i did.  
SG: Which was?  
[ADMIN] TN: tricked somebody else into connecting with me first.  
[ADMIN] TN: worked beautifully, precluded any more arguments, bish bash bosh, job done, everybody’s cracking on with it.  
[ADMIN] TN: could not have gone any better.  
SO: well  
SO: excuse me if  
SO: i wanted to lead with a good example  
[ADMIN] TN: he’s alive!  
OM: barely~  
WC: i probably wouldve picked a place which had less stairs  
WC: it keeps happening  
ST: Victini, you can fly.  
[ADMIN] TN: he has butt wings. it hardly counts as flying.  
WC: youre one to talk laticrash  
[ADMIN] TN: and guess who’s not talking any more?  
tenaciousNova [TN] muted winCondition [WC] for ten (10) minutes. (Reason: it’s you)  
SO: latias, please  
SO: just stop it  
SO: ow  
SB: Why is my handle a profanity?  
SG: @tenaciousNova  
[ADMIN] TN: because you are one, cobalion.  
[ADMIN] TN: i’ve made questionable decisions in my life but doing nothing because nobody’s told you what to do?  
[ADMIN] TN: geez.  
[ADMIN] TN: fyi yes, rayquaza is too busy atm to come and tell you that he knows about the meteors, because he’s wrangling groudon into the game.  
[ADMIN] TN: fyi no, he’s not going to join this memo and talk to you personally.  
[ADMIN] TN: and also fyi no, nobody else higher up is going to, because *somebody* thought they could ignore the whole issue and wait for it to go away.  
tenaciousNova [TN] changed duelistTao [DT]’s username to defenestratedTractor [DT].  
[ADMIN] TN: the way i hear it?  
[ADMIN] TN: you ain’t got a lotta choice, buster.  
[ADMIN] TN: and i’m telling it to you too @milestoneTwister @cumuloBurnout @thousandSiroccos @mordantConcept @chasingMendacity  
[ADMIN] TN: lurkers, the lot of you.  
[ADMIN] TN: because, frankly, if it *were* up to me, i’d be content in leaving most of you behind.  
[ADMIN] TN: but not all of you are morons, and you come as a package deal.  
SB: …  
SB: Keldeo?  
SO: y  
SO: yeah?  
SB: Even if I believe what Latias is saying, you have yet to show me you would be capable of leading any sort of team.  
SB: Such a role would be better filled by Kyurem.  
[ADMIN] TN: this is the same kyurem who’s actively blocking any incoming messages from other regions, so we’re on the same page.  
SO: i don’t  
SO: i don’t want to lead that way.  
SO: i don’t have kyurem’s experience, that’s true.  
SO: i don’t have azelf’s knowledge, or magearna’s smarts, or arceus’ respect.  
SO: and i don’t want to lead through fear like mew, or by accident like entei, or by trickery like latias.  
[ADMIN] TN: hey!  
SO: all i want is everyone working together.  
SO: like friends.  
SO: isn’t that how the swords of justice work?  
SB:  
SG:  
ST:  
SO: i mean, the three of you can do so much when you work as a team!  
SO: i want…  
SO: i want to see what happens when all of us work like that.  
SO: i don’t have any of what i listed before.  
SO: but i do have determination.  
SO: i know if we just *try*  
SO: we can move mountains.  
SO: that’s why i kept getting back up when you tried to end the fight, cobalion.  
SO: because i wasn’t going to give up.  
SO: not then  
SO: not ever.

[MOD] Mewtwo: did i actually just read that?  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I told you not to doubt him.

CB: /\/ fuck  
TS: /_\ s h u t.

CM: HOLY MOTHER OF *FUCK*.  
CM: TELL ME HE’S NOT BLUFFING.  
MC: HE’S NOT BLUFFING.  
CM:  
CM: I WANT  
CM: TO  
CM: KYUREM.  
DT: ZEKROM do NOT even THINK about IT  
CM: AFTER READING THAT?  
CM: I *CANNOT* REMAIN IDLE.  
CM: THAT WAS SO PASSIONATE  
CM: SO *IDEAL*  
CM: THAT  
CM: BROTHER?  
MC: YES, BROTHER?  
CM: I VOTE WE SHOVE KYUREM’S OPINION UP HIS ASS.  
MC: I COULDN’T AGREE MORE.  
CM: THEN IT IS SETTLED.  
CM: WE WILL PLAY.  
CM: AND BY TWO VOTES TO ONE THE TRACTOR LOSES.  
DT:  
DT: ON your HEADS be IT  
defenestratedTractor [DT] left the memo.  
CM: BUT  
CM: JUST  
CM: *WOW*  
CM: RESHIRAM, I  
CM: I THINK I’M IN *LOVE*.

OM: statements like that are why i agreed to join you~  
SG: He has a point, Cobalion.  
SG: We’ve always been at our strongest together.  
SG: And even though we’ve had our disagreements, we’ve seen them away to succeed.  
ST: You can’t say all that ain’t true.  
SB:  
SB:  
SB: …Our swords are at your hooves, Keldeo.  
SO: thank you!  
[ADMIN] TN: nice speech.  
[ADMIN] TN: you might want to hurry up and get on with it, though.  
[ADMIN] TN: because, you know, every second you spend with a sappy speech is another second we’re cruising in without you.  
defenestratedTractor [DT] left the memo.  
[ADMIN] TN: hey look! the enormous asshole is gone, and the lockdown along with him.  
[ADMIN] TN: @geneticbees were you going to sit there all day or actually join the chat and tell them what to do?  
catsClone [CC] joined the memo.  
poryBot [PB] gave catsClone [CC] the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] CC: latias, we will talk about your… liberal use of administrator commands later.  
catsClone [CC] unmuted winCondition [WC].  
catsClone [CC] unmuted defenestratedTractor [DT].  
catsClone [CC] changed defenestratedTractor [DT]’s username to dualistTao [DT].  
catsClone [CC] changed stupidBastard [SB]’s username to swordBravo [SB].  
WC: guuuuuuugh  
[ADMIN] TN: hey, i got things done.  
[ADMIN] TN: again.  
[ADMIN] TN: *double* hero!  
SO: don’t you have a team to run?  
[ADMIN] TN: sappy to sassy in no time at all. knew there was a reason i liked you.  
[ADMIN] TN: i can always poke at the forces of nature again.  
SO: i think you’ve done enough.  
SO: thank you.  
SO: meloetta, i think it’s about time we started.  
[ADMIN] TN: welp i’ll scoot then, before mewtwo embarrasses himself trying to kick me.  
[ADMIN] TN: sayonara!  
tenaciousNova [TN] left the memo.

* * *

BN: I… xee.  
NN: zZz Do you zZz  
BN: …  
BN: No, not really.  
BN: How can you be awake in two placex at once?  
NN: zZz See this is just racism zZz  
NN: zZz Ive told you time and time again about my cores zZz  
NN: zZz I am able to run both my real self and my dreamself at 50% capacity simultaneously zZz  
NN: zZz To no mental detriment zZz  
BN: Xo… you’re awake on Proxpit right now?  
NN: zZz Yes  
NN: zZz Were anyone else awake I could no doubt speak to them zZz  
NN: zZz But you are all asleep zZz  
BN: …  
BN: Hypothetically xpeaking…  
NN: zZz Oh no zZz  
BN: If xomeone from another region were to wake up…  
BN: You could talk to them?  
NN: zZz Yes zZz  
BN: With no delay?  
NN: zZz Xerneas where are you going with this zZz  
BN: Phyxically we are cut off from the rext of the world.  
BN: But if you could poxxibly contact xomeone…  
NN: zZz Hm zZz  
NN: zZz I had not considered that possibility zZz  
NN: zZz It would still require someone else to be awake though zZz  
BN: I know Magearna and I have dixagreed in the paxt about the definition of ‘life’.  
NN: zZz Disagreed zZz  
NN: zZz You ordered Volcanion to dismantle her zZz  
BN: Doex xhe or doex xhe not have Mode:Active and Mode:Idle?  
BN: And a quite conxpicuoux xwitch?  
NN: zZz Are you suggesting I molest her zZz  
BN: I’m xuggexting poking a xwitch with a xtick and xeeing what happenx.  
NN: zZz Im not even sure if shes on this moon zZz  
NN: zZz Im not completely familiar with everybody whos here zZz  
NN: zZz Its quite crowded with 32 towers zZz  
NN: zZz Its like being stuck in your antlers zZz  
BN: Why would you know about being xtuck in my antlerx?  
NN:  
NN:  
NN: zZz Hold on zZz  
NN: zZz False alarm its Hooh sleepflying zZz  
NN: zZz Strange zZz  
BN: What?  
NN: zZz I do not remember Hooh being that big zZz  
NN: zZz Investigating zZz  
BN: How big?  
NN: zZz Roughly comparable with myself zZz  
NN: zZz I should be roughly four feet larger zZz  
BN: Hmmm.  
NN: zZz This is very concerning zZz  
NN: zZz I have entered a random tower to check zZz  
NN: zZz I have located Zeraora zZz  
NN: zZz He is much bigger too but still smaller than myself zZz  
BN: Obviouxly I couldn’t comment.  
NN: zZz Oh zZz  
NN: zZz Magearna is here zZz  
NN: zZz Sleeping as expected zZz  
BN: Can you xee the xwitch?  
NN: zZz Yes zZz  
BN: Can you *prexx* the xwitch?  
NN:  
NN:  
NN: zZz I will try zZz  
NN: zZz I wonder if I can just sort of zZz  
NN: zZz Reach over zZz  
NN: zZz And zZz

TK: Ugh  
TK: Okay fine  
MM: *Then we are ready to begin*.*  
SM: How should we proceed?  
MM: *I thin  
MM: *MODE: IDLE*  
mechaMarvel [MM] fled the memo.  
TK: Great goin Sol you broke it  
SM: I did no such thing!  
SM: In fact, I’m actually rather worried!  
SU: I was going to suggest that we take it slowly.  
SU: We have no idea how this even works, after all.  
SU: I guess I’ll have to run it by her when she comes back.  
TK: Slowly my ass  
TK: Nobody ever won anythin by goin slowly  
SU: Counterpoint: the Shuckle and the Scorbunny.  
TK: That’s just taurosshit  
SU: It actually isn’t.  
TK: That’s it  
thunderKitty [TK] fled the memo.  
SU: …He’s coming to fight me, isn’t he.  
US: wait for me  
US: me next

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Latias is my favorite legendary Pokemon, hands down. ...then she somehow managed to become this session's Vriska. Having started the Hoenn memo with Keldeo joining it, I knew Latias was going to somehow join this one, so she sort of became the session's hacker as well. Also it turns out that being an avatar of life doesn't spare Xerneas from being a jerk towards 'artificial' legendaries.
> 
> Anyway, updates from here are going to be more infrequent. I did say in the description that I may not finish it, and I have one full 'chapter' left right now before I've got a little bit of intermission stuff and then nothing.


	11. Legends: You're Just Jelly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are no new legendaries appearing this chapter.
> 
> There are, however, just over thirty participants.

**LEGENDS  
It's Worse Than That / I'm Fed Up With Both Of You / You're Just Jelly / Oof / The Joy Of Blackmail / Nooooooo**

Giratina joined the memo.  
Regigigas gave Giratina the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] Giratina: GUYS  
[ADMIN] Arceus: There you are.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I’m assuming you made it out of Kalos in one piece.  
[ADMIN] Giratina: YES  
[ADMIN] Giratina: BUT  
[ADMIN] Giratina: THERES A PROBLEM  
[ADMIN] Giratina: A REALLY REALLY BIG ONE  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Which is?  
[ADMIN] Giratina: THE REVERSE WORLD IS DESTABILIZING  
[MOD] Mewtwo: shit.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: I echo that sentiment.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: We’re running out of time.  
[ADMIN] Arcues: Giratina, maintain it if you can, but connecting to Deoxys and bringing it in should be your top priority.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Regigigas, print total entries.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: if the reverse world could tank some of the meteors, that might help alleviate the problem a bit.  
[ADMIN] Giratina: YES BUT  
[ADMIN] Giratina: THAT WOULD JUST CAUSE DAMAGE ELSEWHERE  
[MOD] Regigigas: [TOTAL] [28/64]  
[MOD] Mewtwo: we’re not even at the halfway point yet.  
[MOD] Mewtwo: i’ll go and let the other teams know they need to hurry it up.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: It’s worse than that.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Father, if a collapse in the Reverse World interacts the wrong way with one of the spacetime anomalies here…  
[ADMIN] Dialga: We will lose time.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: We could suddenly end up hours in the future and have no idea what happened in the intervening period.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Then we need more of it.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Dialga, time bubbles as fast as you please.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: We need to slow down the real world in relation to the Reverse World.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: One moment…  
[ADMIN] Dialga: …  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Apologies. I had to step out for half an hour to bellow an expletive.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: I collapsed it into a nanosecond to avoid delay.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: What’s the matter?  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Kalos - or I should say what remains of Kalos - has already fallen in, we were just lucky not to encounter any side effects ourselves.  
[ADMIN] Dialga: Which means that the first bubble I set up is going to have to be the one which has caused us problems for the last several hours.  
[ADMIN] Giratina: I KNEW IT WAS YOUR FAULT  
[ADMIN] Dialga: I’d better head back there and get to work.  
[MOD] Regigigas: [UNOVA] MC [IN PROGRESS]  
Dialga fled the memo.  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Bootstrap indeed.  
[ADMIN] Giratina: UH OH  
[ADMIN] Giratina: UM  
[ADMIN] Giratina: FATHER  
[ADMIN] Arceus: Giratina?  
[ADMIN] Giratina: BRACE

* * *

blazingGlory [BG] joined memo GENERAL DISCUSSION on board THE LEGENDARIUM.  
>Welcome to the Legendarium. There are currently [52] other users present.  
>Please make sure to follow the rules and guidelines. Failure to comply will result in a punishment of the moderators’ discretion.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present administrators: doctorWhom [DW], wonkyWindlass [WW]  
>Present moderators: catsClone [CC], skylineCrash [SC], biologicalComputer [BC], moietySatellite [MS]  
>Your current username setting is: [LONG]. Type /names short or /names real to change this.  
>You currently have [2] blocked users: decibelDrama [DD], oddityOdyssey [OO]  
>MOTD: turns out we’re all on one team. deal with it. -TN  


biologicalComputer [BC] gave blazingGlory [BG] the ‘team leader’ role.  
[MOD] catsClone: no. absolutely not.  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
grassrootsOptimism: Okay, I can’t fault that.  
grassrootsOptimism: …Huh, that’s weird.  
grassrootsOptimism: I’ve suddenly got the feeling that I’ve missed a lot of important things.  
grassrootsOptimism: Oh well.  
grassrootsOptimism: I’ll see if I can get some of these consorts talking.  
grassrootsOptimism: Hi Entei!  
[TL] blazingGlory: I was instructed to join this memo  
[TL] blazingGlory: I fail to see why  
crystallineSlush: Because, dear brother, you’ve been nothing but an antisocial asshole since we started.  
necroticBlame: He’s far from beyng the only one  
necroticBlame: @oracularSelenium  
crystallineSlush: Yes, but Volcanion isn’t a) a group leader and b) working on a particularly team-heavy Land.  
crystallineSlush: Whereas Entei’s Land of Shapes and Eruption seems to be heavily biased towards co-operation.  
crystallineSlush: As Mesprit can attest.  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
[TL] blazingGlory: I still don’t see much point to it  
[TL] blazingGlory: We can debate it or we can get on with it  
crystallineSlush: Well, your tower isn’t getting any higher.  
twiceMulticolored: ENTEI. SUICUNE.  
crystallineSlush: Yes, father?  
[TL] blazingGlory: Yes father  
twiceMulticolored: SHUT UP.  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
twiceMulticolored: YOU AS WELL.  
[MOD] catsClone: okay, here’s the update for those who have just joined.  
[MOD] catsClone: we’re waiting on the last few entries now.  
[MOD] catsClone: the present version of arceus is working with zamazenta.  
[MOD] catsClone: likewise keldeo is bringing in registeel.  
[MOD] catsClone: after that we must wait for zeraora to wake up so he can bring in tapu koko and in turn azelf can bring in zeraora.  
unabatedStimulus: serious shit goin on here  
unabatedStimulus: considerin most of alola is a hole in the ground now  
[MOD] catsClone: speaking of, we believe the largest meteor of all is heading for alola.  
unabatedStimulus: ill fight it  
monarchUkulele: You will NOT.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: I greatly apologize for Celebi’s actions.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Were it not essential to complete the time loop I would avoid giving her the instruction to relocate Darkrai in the first place.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: I’m still curious though about why his putting Zeraora to sleep became a necessary action.  
[MOD] catsClone: the ‘past’ version of arceus is on his way to alola now.  
[MOD] catsClone: he will wake zeraora when he arrives, if he has not woken already.  
groundShaker: CAN’T. WE. JUST. LEAVE. HIM. THERE?  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~I asked the same question about you  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~Sadly my request was rejected  
groundShaker: BECAUSE. THAT’S. STUPID.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~Which was my own reasoning  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
groundShaker: WHAT?  
[TL] blazingGlory: She’s calling you stupid  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~He would have gotten it eventually  
groundShaker: YOU. PIECE. OF. SHIT.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: I’m fed up with both of you.  
skylineCrash [SC] muted groundShaker [GS] for twenty (20) minutes. (Reason: Being argumentative.)  
skylineCrash [SC] muted tsunamiBeluga [TB] for twenty (20) minutes. (Reason: Being argumentative.)  
oddityOdyssey: [blocked]  
skylineCrash [SC] muted oddityOddysey [OO] for twenty (20) minutes. (Reason: Not helping.)  
[MOD] skylineCrash: On a completely unrelated note, @mordantConcept is Zekrom drunk or something?  
[MOD] skylineCrash: He’s here on LOCAO and he keeps crashing into things.  
mordantConcept: FOR MY BROTHER’S SAKE I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION.  
winCondition: ftr hes been like that since we started  
mordantConcept: I KNOW.  
[TL] blazingGlory: Why are there two versions of Arceus  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Two words: Time Travel.  
thunderbirbTwo: three words FUCKING TIME TRAVEL  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: To cut a very long story short, we believe that Arceus performs these actions in Alola, then travels back in time to the point when he entered several hours ago.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: So until the ‘past’ version of him goes back in time, there are currently two of him.  
unabatedStimulus: has he ever been to alola  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: No.  
mordantConcept: LIAR.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: …Thank you, Reshiram.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Once, then. But don’t expect me to elaborate.  
unabatedStimulus: this is to do with silv isnt it  
unabatedStimulus: dammit silv  
unabatedStimulus: where even is he  
monarchUkulele: She.  
unabatedStimulus: she  
unabatedStimulus: i was about to say it  
monarchUkulele: Were you?  
unabatedStimulus: yeah  
monarchUkulele: No, you weren’t.  
[MOD] biologicalComputer: ENTRY: [GALVANIZEDGUBBINS] COMPLETE  
crystallineSlush: Three to go.  
surfeitObjection [SO] joined the memo.  
biologicalComputer [BC] gave surfeitObjection [SO] the ‘team leader’ role.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: that was too close for comfort.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: i didn’t realize it was that scary for everybody.  
[MOD] catsClone: i’m assuming registeel is okay?  
[TL] surfeitObjection: yeah.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: seems like it.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: it’s doing something weird though.  
crystallineSlush: Weird like what?  
[TL] surfeitObjection: what does ‘command level override auth tn’ mean?  
[MOD] catsClone: command le  
[MOD] catsClone: NO  
[TL] tenaciousNova: >:) > :) >:) > ;)  
[MOD] catsClone: LATIAS DO NOT  
catsClone [CC] was unable to block tenaciousNova [TN] from responding to memo.  
winCondition: what  
winCondition: whats she doing  
[MOD] biologicalComputer: UPDATE COMPLETED.  
[MOD] catsClone: @admin  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: WHAT?  
[MOD] biologicalComputer: ADDING USER [TENACIOUSNOVA] TO ADMINISTRATOR LIST.  
biologicalComputer [BC] gave tenaciousNova [TN] the ‘administrator’ role.  
[MOD] catsClone: QUICK BLOCK REGIGIGAS BEFO  
[MOD] catsClone: fuck.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: oh relax.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: just proving it was possible. :p  
[TL] blazingGlory: Wait  
[TL] blazingGlory: What did she do  
topiaryDreamscape: I was under the belief that Regigigas was unhackable.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: it is.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: but if, say, you hack three similar units with outdated security systems and pass up commands through *them*…  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: for the record, their hardware architecture is so outdated it’s embarrassing.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: registeel is still running on json ffs.  
wonkyWindlass [WW] removed the ‘administrator’ role from tenaciousNova [TN].  
biologicalComputer [BC] gave tenaciousNova [TN] the ‘administrator’ role.  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: WHY DIDNT THAT WORK  
winCondition: im outta here  
winCondition [WC] fled the memo.  
[MOD] catsClone: …because latias hardcoded regigigas to give her the role.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: in the form of a disguised software patch, be fair.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: oh yeah.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: @skylinecrash i upgraded your wifi btw.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: WHY ARE YOU IN MY HOME.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: wouldn’t you like to know!  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: anyway, shocking as it may be to some, i’m going idle for a couple minutes.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: not least because i’ve got stuff to do, but also because i know for a fact that mewtwo and rayquaza are already on their way here.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: ciao!  
unabatedStimulus: @nestedtempo your sis is a bitch  
nestedTempo: What else is new?  
unabatedStimulus: oh hey arceus is here  
monarchUkulele: You’re not going to fight him.  
unabatedStimulus: well  
unabatedStimulus: yea  
unabatedStimulus: i just like fightin  
unabatedStimulus: im not insane  
monarchUkulele: Debatable.  
stockadeUpheaval: Debatable.  
upriverMarlin: Debatable  
beastieBirb: Debatable.  
unabatedStimulus: you all suck  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
unabatedStimulus:  
beastieBirb:  
unabatedStimulus [US] fled the memo.  
beastieBirb [BB] fled the memo.  
[TL] blazingGlory: What  
crystallineSlush: Funny.  
crystallineSlush: I thought that was just unsubtle enough for you to get it.  
[TL] blazingGlory: I have her blocked  
crystallineSlush: …I don’t blame you.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
mordantConcept: SHE MADE AN OBLIQUE ALLUSION TO LUGIA AND KOKO’S PAST RELATIONSHIP.  
monarchUkulele: Oblique???  
monarchUkulele: Does anyone know Amnesia please and can they use it on me thank you.  
monarchUkulele: I did NOT need that image.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
monarchUkulele: ARCEUS NO.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: I look away for ten minutes and this happens?  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Mew, you’re on thin ice at the moment.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[ADMIN] doctorwhom: …I’ll choose to ignore that.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: @unabatedStimulus You should be focused more on your entry, if my father has arrived to assist.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: @tenaciousNova As soon as my sister becomes conscious again, we will be escorting you to Regigigas and you will be undoing what you have just done.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: And if it cannot be undone, then you had best be prepared for the consequences.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: It is unfair to all four of the Regis that you are able to abuse their abilities like that.  
nominalGneiss: >print: H E A D _ H U R T S  
[TL] blazingGlory: Why is Palkia unconscious  
crystallineSlush: You’d know the answer to that if you weren’t so antisocial.  
[TL] blazingGlory: Which is why I’m asking now  
crystallineSlush: You are unbelievable.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: He cannot be blamed so much for not noticing.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Upon entry, those of us that were larger have been… compressed, for want of a better word.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: The end result being that none of us is now bigger than about eight feet tall.  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: ITS VERY WEIRD  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Yes, well, whatever caused it seems to have been tapping from my sister’s space powers to do so.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: She previously complained of feeling drained when others entered, and that explains why.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: On entering herself she passed out due to the strain.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: i’d just like to point out that regirock’s head hurting has nothing to do with me.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: groudon dropped the punch designix on it.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: but, yeah, fair play.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: like i said earlier, i was just proving it was possible.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: and maybe a hint to upgrade those systems in case somebody with actual malicious intentions decides they want in!  
doctorWhom [DW] unmuted groundShaker [GS].  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Groudon, is that true?  
groundShaker: LIES. AND. SLANDER.  
groundShaker: I. DID. NO. SUCH. THING.  
mordantConcept: LIAR.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: i have video proof which i am distributing… now.  
tenaciousNova [TN] uploaded the file [rockabuse.mov].  
groundShaker: SHIT.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: *Really*, Groudon?  
[MOD] skylineCrash: And here I thought we’d managed to avoid client abuse on our team.  
groundShaker: I. DIDN’T. DO. IT. ON. PURPOSE.  
groundShaker: KYOGRE. DISTRACTED. ME.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: You’re really going to blame Kyogre for that??  
skylineCrash [SC] unmuted tsunamiBeluga [TB].  
[MOD] skylineCrash: Kyogre.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~I don’t know what he’s talking about  
mordantConcept: LIAR.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~Oh come on  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: one moment…  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Now what are you doing?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: gathering blackmail.  
tenaciousNova [TN] sent skylineCrash [SC] the file [thatsalottapings.txt].  
[MOD] skylineCrash: What is  
[MOD] skylineCrash: Oh. I see.  
[MOD] catsClone: please don’t tell me she’s in the chat history server too.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: i could tell you that i’m not but resh would object.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~I hardly think it’s my fault that Groudon is a clumsy oaf  
groundShaker: I. HARDLY. THINK. IT’S. MY. FAULT. THAT. KYOGRE. IS. INTENT. ON. SABOTAGING. ME.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~I don’t need to sabotage you  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~You do enough of that yourself  
groundShaker: SAYS. THE. WHALE. WHO. PARKED. HERSELF. ON. AN. UNDERWATER. VOLCANO. AND. WAS. SURPRISED. WHEN. IT. ERUPTED.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~Why are those even a thing  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~Why aren’t I allowed to put oceans on top of mountains  
groundShaker: THOSE. ALREADY. EXIST.  
groundShaker: THEY’RE. CALLED. LAKES.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: Kyogre, stop prodding Groudon.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: Groudon, stop retaliating.  
groundShaker: I’VE. GOT. A. BETTER. IDEA.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: No you haven’t.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~For once I agree with Rayquaza  
groundShaker: YOU. ME. LOCAF. TEN. MINUTES.  
groundShaker [GS] fled the memo.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: Kyogre, do not.  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~And miss the chance to flatten him?  
tsunamiBeluga: ~~~Unlikely  
tsunamiBeluga [TB] fled the memo.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: oh, dear arceus.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: NOBODY FOLLOW THEM!  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Well. That explains why Celebi appeared in the Control Room an hour ago and told us to quarantine LOCAF for the next few hours.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: @outtaTime  
current outtaTime: yes boss?  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: See above.  
current outtaTime: on it!  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: And come back to this point to let us know when it’s clear.  
current outtaTime [cOT] fled the memo.  
future outtaTime [fOT] 2 HOURS FROM NOW joined the memo.  
future outtaTime: locaf is clear but, uh, messy.  
nestedTempo: Who won?  
future outtaTime: since they’re both passed out i’m guessing nobody?  
future outtaTime: latias says she took pictures but won’t let anyone see them.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: i do? sweet!  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: and why wouldn’t i pass on the opportunity for more blackmail?  
nestedTempo: @doctorWhom Can’t you go back in time and stop her from becoming team leader?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: you’re just jelly.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: It doesn’t work that way, Latios.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Physically changing the past requires a significant expenditure of energy. We call it a revision.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: While I arguably *could* do it, I lack the finesse to pull it off properly.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: I may have created time but fine manipulation of it is not my strong suit, a little like using a sledgehammer to perform keyhole surgery.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: That’s why I created Celebi.  
future outtaTime: and i tried it once and died.  
nestedTempo: What?  
crystallineSlush: What?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: wtf?!  
[TL] blazingGlory: Wait  
[TL] blazingGlory: You died  
[TL] blazingGlory: Why were we unaware of this  
necroticBlame: Yt was a pryvate matter at the tyme  
necroticBlame: Nor was yt a very pretty affayr  
necroticBlame: Death seldom ys  
future outtaTime: yeah i gotta say i don’t fancy being dead again!  
future outtaTime: not gonna say much about the aftermath but it was messy.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Time is… a complicated affair.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Which makes it all the more concerning that time as a concept appears to be a recurrent theme within these lands of ours.  
mordantConcept: TIME, SPACE, LIFE, RAGE, BREATH, HEART, MIND, BLOOD, HOPE, DOOM, VOID, LIGHT.  
crystallineSlush: Where did that come from?  
mordantConcept: MY SPRITE.  
mordantConcept: IT ATTEMPTED TO CIRCUMNAVIGATE THE TRUTH THROUGH LIES OF OMISSION.  
mordantConcept: I PROCEEDED TO CALL IT ON ITS TAUROSSHIT AND WE SPOKE NORMALLY.  
mordantConcept: EVERY ONE OF US HAVE ROLES WHICH SLOT NEATLY INTO THOSE TWELVE CONCEPTS.  
grassrootsOptimism: That rings a bell, hang on!  
grassrootsOptimism: I have so many notes you don’t even know.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
grassrootsOptimism: Haha yeah, that as well!  
grassrootsOptimism: A lot of this is just labelled as vague prophecy, so margin of error.  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: Oh. Of course.  
grassrootsOptimism: What?  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: I hate prophecies.  
future outtaTime: yeah, they always turn out to have been written by him.  
grassrootsOptimism: There’s this one here from a temple that Azelf and I raided.  
grassrootsOptimism: A lot of it was quite badly damaged, but here’s the relevant part:  
grassrootsOptimism: “They will be led by/Mage of Mind/Knight of Rage/Maid of Heart/Page of Blood/Prince of Breath/Witch of Light/Heir of Life/Lord of Hope/and will forge through the beyond.”  
grassrootsOptimism: It’s very badly formatted too.  
crystallineSlush: Hm. Normally I consider myself good at riddles but it seems meaningless.  
stockadeUpheaval: There are eight.  
stockadeUpheaval: Eight titles there, eight team leaders.  
stockadeUpheaval: It’s not hard.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
stockadeUpheaval: I suspect we don’t get to pick and choose.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: when i get back to lowam i am interrogating the fuck out of my sprite.  
mordantConcept: MY BROTHER WOULD HAVE BETTER INSIGHT HERE.  
mordantConcept: ALAS…  
[MOD] skylineCrash: I had to leave him alone for a while so I could get *someone* out of my home.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: and you were sorely disappointed.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: how’s the search going @catsclone  
[MOD] catsClone: not. one. word.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: i’ll give you two: video footage.  
[MOD] biologicalComputer: ENTRY: [WELSHSTACCATO] COMPLETE  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] surfeitObjection: almost all of the other teams finished their entries before yours did, though.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[MOD] catsClone: mew, i warned you about this.  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
[TL] blazingGlory: I feel fortunate I do not have to read any of that  
[TL] decibelDrama: [blocked]  
catsClone [CC] muted decibelDrama [DD] for one (1) hour. (Reason: toxicity.)  
monarchUkulele: I *really* didn’t want *that* image!!!  
[TL] surfeitObjection: @notarymemento now do you believe me?  
[MOD] catsClone: @monarchukulele i know amnesia but it’s not something i can use on someone else.  
[MOD] catsClone: you might consider asking uxie for help but they can’t remove specific memories.  
monarchUkulele: That’s unfortunate.  
monarchUkulele: @upriverMarlin  
upriverMarlin: What  
monarchUkulele: Get your bat.  
upriverMarlin: Why  
monarchUkulele: You’re going to have to bludgeon me until I forget this entire memo.  
upriverMarlin: No  
unabatedStimulus [US] joined the memo.  
unabatedStimulus: sitrep  
unabatedStimulus: zera woke up  
unabatedStimulus: hes fightin arceus  
[ADMIN] doctorWhom: …  
stockadeUpheaval: I believe that outburst more than qualifies Mew for the ‘Knight of Rage’ moniker.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: aren’t knights meant to be honorable?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: o u c h  
future outtaTime: oof  
grassrootsOptimism: Oof  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: and in comes keldeo with the zinger!  
mordantConcept: IT MAY BE LESS OF A STRICT DEFINITION AND MORE OF… WELL, AN IDEAL.  
mordantConcept: @CHASINGMENDACITY  
offensiveGlaceon: I don’t know what just happened in here but Mew is going berserk in the Kanto team memo  
offensiveGlaceon: Help  
future outtaTime: oh, that problem’ll take care of itself.  
future outtaTime: my present self - that is for you guys - is about to get detoured over to lotav.  
future outtaTime: let’s just say she takes it out on the wrong mon.  
mordantConcept: YOU MEAN MY HALF-BROTHER.  
future outtaTime: take all of the fun out of it why don’t you.  
offensiveGlaceon: Sorry, who was it who decided she should be Kyurem’s server player again  
offensiveGlaceon: What moron thought that was a good idea  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: IT WAS ME  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: SORRY  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: I THOUGHT KYUREM’S IMPENDING THREAT WOULD KEEP HER IN LINE  
future outtaTime: don’t worry, it’s about to.  
chasingMendacity: I’M HERE  
chasingMendacity: WHAT DO YOU WANT?  
mordantConcept: SEE ABOVE.  
chasingMendacity: WHAT?  
chasingMendacity: OH.  
chasingMendacity: I SUPPOSE SO.  
stockadeUpheaval: You suppose what?  
chasingMendacity: WHAT?  
[TL] surfeitObjection: are you sure you’re okay, zekrom?  
[TL] surfeitObjection: you’re kind of out of it.  
chasingMendacity:  
chasingMendacity: NO, I’M ABSOLUTELY FINE  
chasingMendacity: THERE’S NOTHING WRONG AT ALL  
chasingMendacity: WHATEVER IT WAS YOU SAID, I AGREE WITH IT.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: uh.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: well, the last thing i said was kind of an insult…  
chasingMendacity: SHE HAD IT COMING.  
topiaryDreamscape: Zekrom.  
chasingMendacity: NO, I’M NOT  
topiaryDreamscape: …I hadn’t said anything.  
mordantConcept: I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE THINKING AND YES HE IS.  
chasingMendacity: SHUT UP BROTHER  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: this sounds like another blackmail opportunity!  
mordantConcept: ABSOLUTELY NOT.  
mordantConcept: I WILL TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova:  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: okay fine.  
[MOD] catsClone: is that all it takes?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: coming from resh, yes.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: coming from you? lol no.  
[MOD] catsClone: and the difference is?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: resh would actually do it.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: you do not fuck around with siblings.  
nestedTempo: Are you going to apologize, then?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: nope!  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: just thinking of that time when zeraora had me in a headlock and you just about broke his spine.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: good times.  
monarchUkulele: That was YOU?!?!?!  
nestedTempo: Well.  
nestedTempo: Uh.  
nestedTempo: Yes.  
nestedTempo: I was in a bad mood already and I kind of… snapped?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: snapped, hah!  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: you cannoned into his face then suplexed him at mach one!  
monarchUkulele: Oh. My. *STARS*.  
monarchUkulele: He wasn’t walking properly for weeks after that!  
nestedTempo: Crap. Really?  
thunderbirbTwo: i’d get angry about you beating up my boyfriend  
thunderbirbTwo: but he probably deserved it  
monarchUkulele: Wish MY siblings would do that for me.  
stockadeUpheaval: Would you want any of us coming to your assistance?  
unabatedStimulus: cmon lele  
unabatedStimulus: ill fight anyone for you  
upriverMarlin: If you need me it’s already too late  
monarchUkulele: …  
monarchUkulele: Bulu, you raise a good point.  
monarchUkulele: …hold on.  
nestedTempo: Should I be worried about this?  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: that, dear brother, is somebody else discovering the joy of blackmail.  
nestedTempo: I’m worried about this.  
unabatedStimulus: hey i dunno what you did lele but zeras given up  
unabatedStimulus: gtg  
unabatedStimulus [US] fled the memo.  
monarchUkulele: I may have  
monarchUkulele: Threatened?  
monarchUkulele: Zeraora with a repeat of that incident?  
thunderbirbTwo: i’d also get angry about that but he deserves that too  
nestedTempo: WHY  
monarchUkulele: I mean, he doesn’t say it, but Zera… he respects you.  
monarchUkulele: You didn’t stop to bulushit him and just curbstomped him.  
stockadeUpheaval: I don’t like how you say that like it’s a word.  
monarchUkulele: The only other one of us who even came close to doing that was Mew.  
monarchUkulele: And she stopped to Taunt halfway through so he Headbutted her in the face and broke her nose.  
[MOD] catsClone: i had wondered why she stopped being able to use odor sleuth.  
nestedTempo: I don’t think I could do that again if I tried.  
nestedTempo: That was just a one-time thing.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: i’ve got an idea!  
[TL] surfeitObjection: you can come train with me and the swords!  
nestedTempo: …Is that going to work?  
[TL] surfeitObjection: it’s worth a try at least!  
[TL] surfeitObjection: terrakion is really good at teaching self defense.  
[TL] surfeitObjection: you can start there.  
nestedTempo: I’ll think about it.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: and hey, if push comes to shove, i can always let him get me in a headlock again.  
[MOD] catsClone: i would advise against it.  
[MOD] catsClone: zeraora does have a reputation for tearing his opponents apart.  
[MOD] catsClone: he would require little provocation to remove your head the next time.  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: UM  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: ISNT THIS A PUBLIC MEMO  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: CANT HE JUST READ ALL OF THAT  
nestedTempo: Shit.  
monarchUkulele: Shit.  
[MOD] catsClone: you don’t have anything to fear. for the moment, anyway.  
[MOD] catsClone: zeraora got blocked from the legendarium last week when he logged in drunk and we didn’t get around to unblocking him.  
thunderbirbTwo: drunk on mago juice  
thunderbirbTwo: that stuff that’s ridiculously nonalcoholic  
[MOD] moietySatellite: *lazily cracks open an eyelid*  
[MOD] moietySatellite: I deliberately avoided unblocking him.  
[MOD] moietySatellite: His presence was more trouble than it was worth.  
[MOD] moietySatellite: *yawns, and goes back to sleep again*  
necroticBlame: Synce when was Lunala replaced wyth a Snorlax  
moietySatellite [MS] muted necroticBlame [NB] for ten (10) seconds. (Reason: I’m nocturnal you bitch)  
solarMaverick: Please don’t antagonize her, Yveltal. We really could do without another pair of us fighting.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: speaking of, groudon and kyogre are probably underway by now.  
[ADMIN] tenaciousNova: i’ve got some pictures to take, so cya!  
tenaciousNova [TN] fled the memo.  
[MOD] skylineCrash: …Damn it.  
skylineCrash [SC] fled the memo.  
[MOD] biologicalComputer: ENTRY: [UNABATEDSTIMULUS] CONNECTED  
future outtaTime2 [fOT2] joined the memo 9 HOURS FROM NOW.  
future outtaTime2: i have seen the pictures and i regret everything.  
future outtaTime2 [fOT2] fled the memo.  
future outtaTime: why do i do that.  
[TL] blazingGlory: Because you’re a jerk  
future outtaTime: …i can’t argue.  
[TL] blazingGlory: Can I leave now  
crystallineSlush: Are you going to stay if we say no?  
grassrootsOptimism: @mordantConcept I’m looking through my notes again and I’ve just found the other set of twelve words that go with the twelve concepts you listed earlier.  
[TL] blazingGlory: Probably not  
mordantConcept: GO ON.  
[TL] blazingGlory: I see little point in remaining  
[TL] blazingGlory: I am not interested in the current discussion  
[TL] blazingGlory: Or any discussion that occurred while I was here  
grassrootsOptimism: Seer, Mage, Prince, Bard, Knight, Maid, Heir, Witch, Page, Sylph, Thief, Rogue.  
grassrootsOptimism: Interestingly, ‘Lord’ isn’t mentioned.  
stockadeUpheaval: Um.  
stockadeUpheaval: Did anyone see that bright light in the sky just now?  
crystallineSlush: You’re going to have to accept at some point that you’re the team leader and that title includes the word ‘team’.  
future outtaTime: don’t worry about that bulu.  
future outtaTime: that’s mew and kyurem over on lotav.  
mordantConcept: HM.  
grassrootsOptimism: Cross-referencing that with the list I posted, I’d guess each of us are somewhere on the 12x12 grid those concepts and… I guess ‘ranks’ make.  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: OOH  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: IS SOMEONE TALKING MATHEMATICS  
[TL] blazingGlory: I didn’t ask to be team leader  
grassrootsOptimism: It’s not quite maths, but…  
crystallineSlush: Are you that afraid of the responsibility?  
crystallineSlush: Do you really think any of the other Johto players would make a better leader?  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: IM WONDERING NOW  
[ADMIN] wonkyWindlass: IS THERE ANY CORRELATION TO OUR OWN 6X11 GRID  
future outtaTime: ooh, pick me!  
stockadeUpheaval: 6x11 and 12x12 don’t mesh particularly well.  
stockadeUpheaval: Also, I’d hesitate to call ours a grid.  
[TL] blazingGlory: You would  
crystallineSlush: Yet you never listen to me.  
solarMaverick: I’d like to extend my suggestion of amnesty to you two, because I’m concerned about a potential flare.  
crystallineSlush: …  
crystallineSlush: Fine. Go, Entei.  
crystallineSlush: If anything comes up, I will be sure to let you know, so you can ignore it at your convenience.  
stockadeUpheaval: 12x12 makes for 144 different permutations, of which we (in total) fulfil 66.  
stockadeUpheaval: It really doesn’t divide at all.  
grassrootsOptimism: Let’s not forget we don’t know what these phrases mean, if they mean anything at all.  
makeshiftNovelty [MN] joined the memo.  
biologicalComputer [BC] gave makeshiftNovelty [MN] the ‘administrator’ role.  
blazingGlory [BG] fled the memo.

* * *

SC: So, how badly are they beating each other?  
TN: it’s nowhere near as bad as scuffle, but they’re both really trying.  
TN: locaf is taking a whupping, though.  
TN: i think since they’re not on earth any more they don’t feel the need to hold back.  
TN: hope groudon’s consorts got somewhere safe.  
SC: As long as it doesn’t spill over onto any of the other Lands, I think we’ve dodged the bullet.  
SC: …How *are* you watching them?  
TN: stole your laptop.  
SC: …  
TN: kidding. i remoted into it.  
SC: That’s just as bad!  
TN: i’ll tell you this: there is no shortage of evidence coming out of this fight.  
TN: fairly sure what kyogre just did is illegal.  
TN: funny how celebi said i wouldn’t show anyone.  
TN: this is a goldmine.  
SC: Unless either of them were to find out somehow?  
TN: they’re both slow as shit.  
TN: and if they can’t catch up to you, they’re certainly not catching me.  
SC: …True.  
TN: geez, for a brick, groudon’s got some slick moves.  
TN: isn’t steam volcanion’s thing?  
SC: Crap, is he doing the steam thing again?  
SC: Last time he did that an island exploded.  
SC: He promised me he’d never do it again.  
TN: want some blackmail?  
SC: …  
SC: Fine.  
tenaciousNova [TN] sent skylineCrash [SC] the file steam.jpg.  
SC: I still don’t approve of you doing this, for the record.  
TN: yeah, yeah. :p  
TN: when they ask i’ll just tell them you were watching too.  
SC: Please don’t.  
TN: …  
TN: wait, hold on.  
TN: wtf  
SC: What?  
SC: What are they doing now?  
TN: uh  
TN: i think  
TN: they’re  
TN: OH MY STARS.  
TN: THAT’S  
TN: NO!  
SC: What???  
SC: Latias, what are they doing?!  
TN:  
TN: why  
TN: why are you doing this to me  
SC: LATIAS.  
tenaciousNova [TN] sent skylineCrash [SC] the file wtf03.jpg.  
SC:  
SC: WTF  
SC: Latias.  
SC: Tell me that isn’t real.  
TN: 100%.  
SC: You’re lying.  
TN: nope.  
SC: …  
SC: I’m going to kill both of them.  
TN: you might want to wait until they’re  
TN: uh  
TN: done.  
SC: …There’s still another 70 or so minutes before Celebi said it was clear.  
TN: nooooooo  
SC: Just… close the window. Fly away.  
TN: i can’t!  
TN: it’s like i’m watching that video of you crashing into a mountain in slow motion!  
TN: rayquaza i’m scared.  
TN: this isn’t what i signed up for.  
SC: …Do you think they did this before?  
SC: Back on Earth?  
TN: i think we’d know.  
TN: i had to turn the volume right down, they are not being subtle about it.  
SC: …I’m not going to be able to unsee this, am I.  
TN: nope.  
SC: Fuck.  
TN: yup.  
TN: it’s embarrassing enough when i accidentally fly in when latios is…  
TN: well  
TN: busy.  
TN: even though it’s nothing i haven’t seen before.  
TN: this is a million times worse.  
TN: somehow i doubt this is what solgaleo had in mind.  
SC: Solgaleo would be *ecstatic*.  
TN: oh no he would as well.  
TN: and then he’d insist we all do it.  
SC: He can’t find out.  
TN: fuck i guess this is why i don’t show the pictures to anyone.  
SC: You’re still taking them?!  
TN: i can’t not!  
SC: Latias. Stop watching, delete what you’ve got, and put the computer down.  
SC: We can salvage this.  
SC: Somehow.  
SC: Maybe.  
SC: They are going to freak out when they find out you were watching.  
TN: hey you’re in this too!  
SC: I’ve seen *one* picture.  
SC: If I’m lucky I can forget about that by getting Registeel to punch me in the face.  
tenaciousNova [TN] sent skylineCrash [SC] the file wtf17.jpg.  
SC: WHY  
SC: That’s  
SC: I  
SC: Is that even physically possible?!  
TN: there are bigger worries than that!!!  
TN: that’s something that palkia used to do with her before… you know!  
SC:  
SC: SHIT!  
SC: LATIAS YOU NEED TO STOP RIGHT NOW!  
SC: PALKIA WILL FIND OUT AND SHE WILL KILL ALL OF US!!!!!!!!!!!  
TN:  
TN:  
TN: you’re right it’s not worth it any more.  
TN: i am passwording the fuck out of these images.  
SC: Delete them!  
TN: i can’t!  
TN: i just checked the legendarium again and celebi says in nine hours she’s going to see them!  
TN: i’ve already tried arguing with predestination and it didn’t go well!  
SC: FML.  
SC: That’s it then. We’re doomed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Groudon ♠ Kyogre. You can't say that's wrong. Probably pushing the T rating with that. Though trust me, if Mew's messages went uncensored, it would definitely have to go up. Underneath those blocks, Mew is being especially toxic. Hoopa by comparison is just being that one guy who laughs at insults and tries to drag out situations that the mods are already shutting down.
> 
> Otherwise, this chapter is pretty much exactly what you'd expect from all of the legendaries having access to a single chatroom: a great big mess, and that's only with about half of them involved. I apologize for the poorly-executed timeskip at the beginning of this chapter, only most of the remaining entries would have been fairly boring and repetitive. Better to fast-forward a little to when things are actually happening.
> 
> This is now where the updates stop for a while since I've run out of content (mostly, as I said there's still some intermission stuff left but I need to write more of it). I am though likely to be focusing more attention on the *other* Pokemon crossover I'm working on, which is more serious than this one.


	12. Omake: Galar: I'll Get The Popcorn

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I couldn't not, after that trailer.
> 
> Characters' first appearances:  
> KT / kineticTemerity: Eternatus  
> GM / grandMartial: Urshifu  
> MG / mistyGreensward: Calyrex

**OMAKE: GALAR  
I'll Get The Popcorn**

mistyGreensward [MG] joined memo TEA TIME on board UNBELIEVABLY GALARIAN.  
>Hello. Welcome to Galar. There are currently [4] members present.  
>Please be mindful of the rules and guidelines.  
>Type /rules to view the rules and guidelines.  
>Present moderators: poryBot [PB]  
>Present members: sleuthWolf [SW], welshStaccato [WS], kineticTemerity [KT], grandMartial [GM]  
>Your current username setting is: [LONG]. Type /names short or /names real to change this.  
>MOTD: IM NOT ARMORISH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -GM

poryBot [PB] gave mistyGreensward [MG] the ’moderator’ role.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> What the fuck, E!  
sleuthWolf: -|===> You can't just ask that!  
kineticTemerity: Whyever not?  
kineticTemerity: And watch your language.  
kineticTemerity: It was a civil question and I'll expect a civil response.  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Eternatus are you causing trouble again  
kineticTemerity: Certainly not!  
kineticTemerity: I merely asked Zacian if his relationship with Zamazenta was going well.  
kineticTemerity: There was nothing inappropriate about it.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> It's private!!!  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Please understand Eternatus  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Zacian is not yet ready to admit he is in such a relationship  
sleuthWolf: -|===> Caaaaaalyyyy!  
kineticTemerity: That manner of behavior is mystifying.  
kineticTemerity: You love him, he loves you, please point out the problem.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> E for Palkia’s sake just shut up!  
welshStaccato: <} I’m right here you know.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> I know!!!  
grandMartial: are you on something, zacian?  
grandMartial: youre a bit overexcited.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> I’m perfectly fine as long as Eternatus stops poking around in things he shouldn’t!  
kineticTemerity: I’m sorry, I’ve completely lost track of this.  
kineticTemerity: I asked an observational question.  
kineticTemerity: If you did not wish to give me an answer, you could have simply said as such instead of using a profanity at me.  
kineticTemerity: And by making such an outburst you have done the opposite of your intention and invited further curiosity.  
grandMartial: hes got a point.  
kineticTemerity: Of course I have.  
grandMartial: i mean we all know you guys are together.  
grandMartial: its not a big secret.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> It is though!!!  
welshStaccato: <} It’s not the only big thing though if you know what I mean.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> ZAMA!!!  
kineticTemerity: Good grief.  
grandMartial: no i dont know what you mean.  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| That’s quite enough of that Zamazenta  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Any more innuendo from you and you’ll be muted  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| You’re more than welcome to continue flirting in a private conversation  
sleuthWolf: -|===> I’m so embarrassed.  
welshStaccato: <} He’s really red now.  
welshStaccato: <} …oh, damn it.  
kineticTemerity: Language!  
welshStaccato: <} That means there’s no blood left to go anywhere else now…  
sleuthWolf: -|===> ZAMAAAAAAAA  
grandMartial: what does that even mean?  
kineticTemerity: It was another poorly-disguised innuendo.  
kineticTemerity: Which conveniently calls Calyrex’s bluff and proves that he is not willing to do what he threatens.  
welshStaccato: <} Don’t they teach you this stuff over there on Armor?  
welshStaccato: <} Or do they focus on harp playing, leprechauns and getting drunk?  
grandMartial: IM NOT ARMORISH!!!!  
grandMartial: just because the dojo is on armor doesnt mean im armorish!  
grandMartial: and actual armorish people dont do that stuff anyway!  
welshStaccato: <} You’re 100% Armorish.  
grandMartial: I AM NOT  
grandMartial: im as armorish as eternatus is galarian.  
kineticTemerity: I am as Galarian as you can get.  
grandMartial: YOURE FROM SPACE  
welshStaccato: <} Have you ever heard him talk, Urshifu?  
welshStaccato: <} He has the worst posh Galarian accent I’ve ever heard.  
kineticTemerity: I very much take offense to that remark, Zamazenta.  
kineticTemerity: My accent is not ‘posh’.  
kineticTemerity: It is ‘refined’.  
grandMartial: yeah and youre a giant draconic abomination from space.  
welshStaccato: <} He gets tea brewed in a beer distillery too.  
kineticTemerity: How very dare you.  
kineticTemerity: Need I remind you who of us has the type advantage here?  
grandMartial: i can beat you in a fight!  
welshStaccato: <} I’ll get the popcorn.  
grandMartial: no zamazenta youve got to help me!  
grandMartial: i didnt say i could do it on my own yet!  
welshStaccato: <} I’m also a fighting type.  
grandMartial: shit.  
kineticTemerity: Language.  
welshStaccato: <} Zacian’s a fairy type tho.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> Why are you dragging me into this?!  
kineticTemerity: Crowned?  
welshStaccato: <} Well duh.  
kineticTemerity: While in crowned form you both gain the Steel type.  
kineticTemerity: Flamethrower.  
welshStaccato: <} Fuck.  
kineticTemerity: Language!  
kineticTemerity: @mistyGreensward Do something about this!  
kineticTemerity: Otherwise you prove yourself unworthy of your title!  
mistyGreensward [MG] muted kineticTemerity [KT] for five (5) minutes. (Reason: I will not stand for such an insult)  
grandMartial: i mean he was kind of being a dick but he didnt mean to insult you.  
mistyGreensward [MG] muted grandMartial [GM] for five (5) minutes. (Reason: Questioning the moderator)  
welshStaccato: <} Admin abuse, admin abuse!  
mistyGreensward [MG] muted welshStaccato [WS] for five (5) minutes. (Reason: Crying about it)  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Anything to add, Zacian  
sleuthWolf: -|===> Uh.  
sleuthWolf: -|===> No, sir?  
mistyGreensward [MG] muted sleuthWolf [SW] for five (5) minutes. (Reason: Sucking up to the mod)  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| That should shut down the argument  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Now all of you behave  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| Urshifu, do not fight Eternatus  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| I forbid it  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| The same goes for you, Zamazenta  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| You are not turning my region into a war zone again  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| The nerve  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| …  
mistyGreensward [MG] muted poryBot [PB] for five (5) minutes. (Reason: )  
[MOD] mistyGreensward: {| That’s better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As soon as I decided I was going to do this, I knew immediately that I wanted Eternatus to be the stereotypically upper-class English twit that Zacian and Zamazenta weren't. Also Urshifu isn't Armorish/Irish, and Calyrex abuses his power. Plus some adorably gay dogs.
> 
> Obviously I can't know for sure how these legendaries are going to be characterized in-game, but it was a fun little exercise. Urshifu is the guy doing his hardest to train but still finds himself getting picked on and manages to get himself into situations he isn't capable of handling yet, while Calyrex used to rule Galar but in his mind still does and exercises his authority to a stupid degree. And yes, I did do this to get the first Urshifu and Calyrex tags on AO3.


	13. "Intermission 3"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, in likelihood, the last chapter to be added to (this particular version of) the story. I'm on-and-off attempting to rework it slightly to be a little more accessible to people who have no idea what Homestuck is all about, meaning not racing through to get as many characters in the story as possible as soon as possible. Plus I'd like to actually add in the new Galar legendaries since it doesn't make much sense now to omit them. On top of that, quite a few of the characters have developed much further than I initially started writing them.
> 
> The following segments are those that I completed, and those that remained incomplete, during my first run through the story. Some of them I originally intended to post as Intermission 2 before Christmas came along and I wrote some new stuff for it. The idea with the intermission segments in the first place was to have a conversation for one of each of every involved legendary. Some of them didn't get written. Honestly this is coming so late compared to everything else because I'd pretty much forgotten about it.
> 
> In the author's notes at the end of the chapter I'll run through some other bits about story elements that I'd planned that may or may not be recycled for version 2.

**INTERMISSION 3**  
**Arceus Made Me Do It / Aggrieved Sibling Council Meeting / Shimmering / Rapidly Losing Faith**  
**Jumpier Than A Hangry Morpeko / An Embarrassing Accident / Get A Room / He's A Whiny Brat**  
**We Are The Worst / Wut / QED / Assrocket / Magic Word / An Intervention**  
**Fake**

sleuthWolf (Zacian) and sabreTango (Terrakion)  
  
ST: Huh. Who knew that was a thing.  
SW: -|===> Just don’t tell Zamazenta, let him figure it out on his own.  
SW: -|===> He’s run up against this wall half a dozen times now and he’s yet to put two and two together.  
ST: But… he will eventually, right?  
SW: -|===> Oh yeah.  
SW: -|===> Emphasis on ‘eventually’.  
ST: Hah.  
ST: You ain’t what I’d thought you’d be, Zacian.  
ST: Cobalion makes you out as some sort of Swords of Justice wannabe like Keldeo.  
SW: -|===> …I have a sword.  
SW: -|===> I don’t know what Cobalion expects me to do about that.  
SW: -|===> And I mean, sure, I heard about you guys before I met you, but joining wasn’t ever really a thing I wanted to do.  
SW: -|===> No offense.  
ST: None taken.  
ST: I reckon he’s just jealous that he had to work for his sword and you just… have one.  
SW: -|===> I did too.  
ST: Really?  
SW: -|===> You know that old tale about the sword in the stone?  
ST: Yeah?  
ST: Wait, that was your sword?  
SW: -|===> ‘Whomsoever shall pull this sword from this stone shall be the true King of Galar’.  
SW: -|===> It might’ve been.  
ST: And you pulled it out?  
SW: -|===> Nah, a human did that.  
ST: So what part of that was work?  
SW: -|===> How do you think it got in the stone in the first place?  
SW: -|===> A pup could pull a sword *out* of a stone.  
SW: -|===> Putting it in there was a whole different kettle of fish.  
ST: Huh.  
ST: I’m missin’ a load of context here I guess.  
SW: -|===> Arceus made me do it.  
SW: -|===> Back then I didn’t really respect the sword.  
SW: -|===> Back then, sure, Cobalion would’ve been justified in disliking me.  
SW: -|===> But Arceus forced me to give it up and work without it for a while.  
SW: -|===> Zamazenta went through something similar with his shield plates.  
SW: -|===> I learned to work without the sword, and when the King of Galar gave it back to me…  
SW: -|===> I knew what it was to work with nothing and that made it even more powerful.  
ST: I hear ya.  
ST: I can’t claim to have gone through anythin’ so similar, but as part of our trainin’ Virizion and I had exercises where we couldn’t use our abilities.  
ST: It taught us good judgment on whether we actually needed ‘em in a given situation or just needed to use our brains.  
SW: -|===> Exactly.

* * *

thunderbirbTwo (Zapdos) and walkaboutDistributor (Palkia)  
  
TT: so what  
TT: some kind of  
TT: aggrieved sibling council meeting  
WD: Aggrieved *sister* council meeting.  
TT: my mistake  
WD: Think about it.  
WD: You don’t get on well with your brothers, and that’s an understatement.  
WD: Suicune is constantly having to fight to make herself heard to her brothers.  
WD: Latias… she flip-flops so much I don’t think even she knows how Latios annoys her.  
WD: My brother’s a prick.  
WD: And then Tapu Lele is caught in the middle of a shitstorm provided by Koko who wants to fight everything that moves, Bulu who won’t lift a claw, and Fini who’s completely apathetic.  
TT: your brother singular  
TT: you also have two  
WD: Giratina gets exemption because he can’t process insults at anything other than face value.  
WD: If I call out Dialga, he knows I’m just upset with him.  
WD: If I call out Giratina, he thinks I hate him forever.  
WD: Whereas the three of you have no such qualms about each other.  
TT: but  
TT: we have lugia  
TT: fighting him is cathartic  
TT: for all three of us  
TT: then we start getting along again  
WD: Really?  
TT: yeah  
TT: whenever we’re mad at each other he steps in  
TT: and then we gang up on him  
TT: and i think he kinda likes it  
TT: i mean  
TT: we’re not getting rusty at fighting or anything  
TT: and then we bond over it  
WD: I guess I never thought of it that way.  
TT: maybe you should fight dialga  
WD: Ah, no. We tried that.  
WD: Time and space kind of stopped existing.  
WD: There was a whole thing.

* * *

offensiveGlaceon (Articuno) and beastieBirb (Lugia)  
  
OG: It’s not that, it’s  
OG: Hard to say  
OG: You know when Shamouti plays your song  
BB: Yes?  
OG: And you said when you sing with them you start hearing a whole orchestra  
BB: Something like that.  
BB: Are you saying…  
BB: You can hear it too?  
OG: It’s more of a  
OG: Shimmering  
OG: But I can hear it all the time  
BB: And there’s a constant but subtle rhythm that matches your heartbeat?  
OG: YES  
BB: You know, you give me grief all the time. You and your siblings both.  
BB: Your constant squabbling annoys me and disrupts the balance of the oceans.  
BB: But in spite of all that…  
BB: Congratulations, Articuno. You can hear the Worldsong.

* * *

decibelDrama (Mew) and grassrootsOptimism (Shaymin)  
  
DD: no  
DD: you’re supposed to threaten first  
GO: I have to say I’m rapidly losing faith in this system of yours.  
DD: yeah go on reject it  
DD: then you’ll be looking at me up on my hoard and wishing you didn’t  
DD: you’ll be sitting there with your little pile of stuff  
DD: stuff that nobody gives a shit about  
DD: cause i’ve got all the best stuff  
DD: me  
GO: Because you threatened everybody into giving you their stuff?  
DD: yea  
GO: Their little piles of stuff that nobody gives a shit about?  
DD: yea  
GO: So, what you’re saying is:  
GO: By threatening others into getting what you want…  
GO: You’ll end up with a big pile of stuff that nobody gives a shit about!  
DD: yea  
DD: wait  
DD: NO  
DD: FUCK OFF  
GO: Haha!  
DD: SHUT UP  
DD: I KNOW YOU’RE GETTING OFF ON THIS BITCH  
GO: Hey, I’m just using your logic.  
GO: I think I’ll stick to my own system.  
GO: A little kindness goes a long way, you know!  
DD: a little kindness gets you used as a doormat  
DD: or boot scraper in your case  
GO: Do you even have boots?  
GO: I would have thought you’d try to avoid any chances of Puss in Boots jokes.  
DD: ugh  
DD: don’t even go there

* * *

welshStaccato (Zamazenta) and topiaryDreamscape (Cresselia)  
  
WS: <} Well?  
TD: Well…  
TD: To be perfectly honest, Zamazenta, I haven’t the slightest idea of how to help.  
TD: Much like your waking self, your dreams are fragmented, distracted.  
TD: One barely coalesces before another one smashes it out of the way.  
TD: The only thing I could possibly suggest is meditation.  
WS: <} Okay, so why don’t we do that?  
TD: …  
TD: That was the *first* thing we tried.  
TD: You refused to stay settled, expressed confusion when I asked you to calm down, and ten minutes later you’d completely forgotten what we were there to do in the first place.  
TD: You were jumpier than a hangry Morpeko.  
WS: <} …  
WS: <} But I was sleeping this time.  
TD: Yes, but your brain was still active.  
TD: I’ll be honest again, I’ve never seen a dreamscape so unsettled.  
TD: Do you… drink coffee, at all?  
WS: <} Can’t stand it.  
WS: <} I inhale tea, but Zacian does that too so.  
TD: I was hoping it was something so obvious I had missed it.  
TD: My expertise is obviously in dreamwalking, but…  
TD: You may want to consider speaking with Suicune or Xerneas.  
TD: They may be able to shed some light on your physical agitation that would then allow me to settle you mentally.  
WS: <} Suicune or Xerneas. Got it.  
WS: <} GAh  
WS: <} False alarm.  
WS: <} Thought that was Zacian coming in with his sword.  
TD: It may also be worth asking Zacian to decrease the frequency of his ambushes.  
WS: <} But.  
WS: <} I like his ambushes?  
WS: <} I just have to never let my guard down.  
TD: …That is precisely the problem.  
TD: Because you are continually expecting these attacks, you are unable to concentrate on anything else.  
TD: And that is communicating across to your dreams.  
TD: I will speak with Zacian.  
TD: You should speak to Suicune and/or Xerneas.  
WS: <} Okay.  
WS: <} What about?

* * *

crystallineSlush (Suicune) and monarchUkulele (Tapu Lele)  
  
CS: I mean, it’s nice when I mean to do it.  
CS: And Manaphy practically worships the water I walk on, which is awkward.  
CS: But I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve accidentally dechlorinated swimming pools.  
MU: Oh, stars. You would *not* be appreciated in Alola.  
MU: We’re very fond of our swimming pools.  
MU: That said…  
CS: Fini?  
MU: Oh yeah.  
MU: She can’t tell the difference between saltwater, freshwater and poolwater.  
CS: Sounds like my brother.  
CS: He thinks all fire is fire, even when it’s a chemical fire.  
MU: Ouch.  
CS: Very much so.  
CS: Maybe we should take Palkia up on her offer.  
MU: Yes, but then…  
MU: Koko would start a retaliatory aggrieved brother council session.  
MU: Besides, I know he means best, even if he is… overenthusiastic about it.  
CS: I wish I could say the same about my brothers.  
CS: It’s hard to tell sometimes whether Entei is trying so hard not to appear to be a protective big brother that he’s fallen for his own lie.  
CS: When we were younger, it was always Raikou getting us into trouble and Entei having to bail us out.  
CS: And despite father’s attempts to drill a sense of duty into us, we had fun.  
CS: Now Raikou spends the entire time lazing around in the basement of the Burned Tower, and Entei’s always making himself so busy so he doesn’t have to see either of us.  
MU: Ouch.  
MU: I’m sorry about that.  
MU: I mean, it’s hard to tell sometimes whether Bulu is a pacifist or just lazy, but we do all of us get on with the things that need doing.  
MU: Do you know what changed?  
CS: It’s…  
CS: You are aware of our father’s cycle of death and rebirth?  
MU: Yes?  
CS: The last time he reached the end of his cycle was the first time for us.  
CS: He had told us about it but we weren’t really ready.  
CS: We didn’t really get what it entailed.  
MU: So what happened?  
CS: Are you aware of the history of the Lake of Rage?  
CS: It’s a large lake in the north of Johto.  
CS: I will say that the outcome of that… incident… was an explosion so big that it carved out that lake and devastated the surrounding area.  
CS: An explosion that Entei blames himself for and Raikou wants to forget.  
MU: …  
CS: I believe I am the only one who came to terms with it.  
CS: Which means that at the end of his current cycle, it will likely be myself who triggers the next one.  
MU: Am I allowed to feel relieved that we don’t have to do anything like that?  
CS: Why, who’s your patron?  
MU: Um.  
MU: I’m not *entirely* sure?  
MU: Lunala’s sort of assumed the position but we don’t really answer to anybody.  
MU: As for our creation…  
MU: It was an embarrassing accident, actually.  
CS: Another thing we have in common, then.  
MU: Really?  
CS: Yes.  
CS: Father was fighting with Zapdos and a stray bolt hit the… I guess back then it was just the Bell Tower.  
CS: Then he just sort of took the metaphysical concepts and used them to revive three unidentified casualties.  
CS: Raikou is the bolt that struck the tower, Entei is the fire that burned it down, and I am the rain that extinguished it.  
MU: Wait.  
MU: Zapdos is your mom???  
CS: No. I can see why you’d think that, but no.  
CS: She’s more of a… I’m not quite sure.  
CS: Father always just refers to her as a vandal.  
CS: What was your accident?  
MU: Another fight.  
MU: I don’t know why they were over here in the first place, but it was between Xerneas and Yveltal.  
MU: We were just heads on a totem pole that got caught in the crossfire.  
CS: You don’t consider them your patrons?  
MU: Considering they weren’t even aware of our existence for another few hundred years???  
MU: Not really!  
MU: As far as we were concerned, we just… became the guardians of the islands.  
CS: Fair enough.  
CS: Hm. Mewtwo just messaged me with something.  
MU: Me too!  
MU: Something about a game???

* * *

catsClone (Mewtwo), tenaciousNova (Latias), nestedTempo (Latios) and octetMelody (Meloetta)  
  
NT: And wrap.  
CC: well done, everyone.  
CC: i got everything i needed.  
TN: don’t know what you’re congratulating me for, i’m just here to watch and be sarcastic.  
CC: were there any problems anywhere?  
OM: A few lights blew~  
OM: Not my fault, I hasten to add~  
TN: nah, it was probably latios’s fault.  
TN: turned the amp up to eleven again.  
NT: It’s probably down to the age of the towers.  
NT: A lot can break in a thousand years.  
NT: We might even be the first ones to use them properly in multiple millenia.  
TN: properly?  
OM: Properly~?  
NT: You know what I meant.  
OM: I think even Zeraora was enjoying it toward the end~  
CC: i doubt he would ever admit as much.  
NT: That was mostly you, Meloetta.  
NT: Even a grumpy guts like him can’t help but melt when you start singing.  
OM: Really~?  
OM: I thought I was a little off-key, especially at the start~  
NT: Really.  
NT: And you were perfect.  
OM: Thank you~  
TN: brother?  
NT: Yes, Latias?  
TN: could i possibly convince the two of you to get a room?  
OM:  
NT: Sorry, Meloetta. She’s like that.  
TN: like you weren’t like that when i was flirting with reshiram.  
CC: i wasn’t aware you were romantically involved with reshiram.  
TN: that’s ‘cause you’re romantically oblivious. :p  
CC: asexual.  
TN: that too.  
OM: I didn’t know you were dating Reshiram either~  
OM: It feels like something he would be talking about~  
TN: nah, we ended it a while ago.  
TN: couldn’t keep it up.  
TN: …that wasn’t intended as an innuendo, fuck.  
NT: It’s not like you to be shying away from innuendos.  
TN: yeah, well, resh and i are still on good terms.  
TN: i don’t want to be the source of any rumors about how good he is in bed.  
CC: i do not think any of us would qualify as rumormongers.  
CC: well, apart from you.  
TN: i would’ve been offended if you hadn’t made an exception for me.  
TN: but yeah. thanks.  
NT: I’m still not happy about what you just said, though.  
OM: It’s okay, Latios~  
OM: You don’t need to white knight for me~  
TN: my suggestion still stands.  
NT: Latias, shut.  
CC: at the risk of saying something inflammatory, i think it’s time this memo came to an end.  
CC: i, and i suspect all of us, would prefer not to be witness to another sibling argument.  
CC: latios, is there anything we need to do to shut the towers down correctly?  
NT: Not to my knowledge.  
NT: The towers in Sinnoh, Kalos and Alola have already disconnected, as far as I can see.  
CC: okay.  
CC: hm.  
CC: i was going to leave, but i already got some results back.  
NT: Already?  
CC: you may be interested to know this, all of you.  
CC: about four minutes after you started, the towers achieved a synchronization rate of 89%.  
TN: synchronized?  
TN: to what?  
CC: the worldsong.  
NT:  
OM:  
TN:  
TN: wtf  
OM: We  
OM: We synchronized to the worldsong~?  
CC: not perfectly.  
CC: but it certainly wasn’t what we were expecting.  
TN: well yeah, because that’s impossible!  
CC: latias, i’ve told you this before.  
CC: we’re legendary pokemon.  
CC: to us, nothing is impossible if we put our minds to it.  
CC: just really, really improbable.

* * *

twiceMulticolored (Ho-Oh) and thousandSciroccos (Landorus)  
  
TM: SADLY THAT WILL NOT WORK.  
TS: /_\ and why not?  
TM: RAIKOU IS FASTER THAN THUNDURUS.  
TM: HE WILL ALSO BE SCARED, NOT ANGRY.  
TM: AND DARE I HOPE TO SAY IT SMARTER.  
TS: /_\ slowpokes are smarter than thundurus.  
TS: /_\ it is not hard.  
TM: THAT’S BECAUSE YOU KEEP BANGING THEIR HEADS TOGETHER.  
TS: /_\ it is a method that works so i will stick to it.  
TS: /_\ however i fail to understand why raikou would behave as you said.  
TS: /_\ neither he nor his siblings are as…  
TS: /_\ destructive as my charges.  
TM: HE’S A WHINY BRAT AND REFUSES TO ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THERE ARE CONSEQUENCES TO HIS ACTIONS.  
TM: A LONG TIME AGO I ENTRUSTED HIM WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT TASK OF HIS LIFE.  
TM: AND HE RAN AWAY.  
TM: AS ELDEST HE SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE.  
TM: HE FAILED TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I ASKED OF HIM, AND HIS SIBLINGS ARE SUFFERING FOR IT.  
TM: SO UNTIL HE UNDERSTANDS, I WILL CONTINUE TO PURSUE HIM.  
TS: /_\ i often find such important tasks are better handled by myself.  
TS: /_\ neither of the others can be trusted.  
TM: IT WAS A TASK I WAS UNABLE TO PHYSICALLY COMPLETE MYSELF.  
TS: /_\ what was it?  
]]]message timed out.  
TS: /_\ lord ho-oh?  
]]]message timed out.  
TS: /_\ curse this infernal machine.  
]]]message timed out.  
]]]disconnected lockdown auth dt

* * *

groundShaker (Groudon) and oracularSelenium (Volcanion) (unfinished)  
  
OS: that just happened  
GS: YES. IT. DID.  
OS: we are the worst  
GS: I. KNOW.  
OS: the actual worst  
GS: I. KNOW!  
GS: WHERE. THE. FUCK. DID. YOU. GO. NOW?  
OS: two miles away and accelerating  
OS: have fun explaining this to mr snek  
GS: GET. BACK. HERE!  
GS: VOLCANION!  
GS: THIS. IS. AS. MUCH. YOUR. FAULT. AS. MINE!  
GS: YOU. THINK. RAYQUAZA. WILL. EXONERATE. YOU. BECAUSE. YOU’RE. NOT. HERE?  
OS: ^^^this

* * *

nebulaDiscursor (Deoxys) and notaryMemento (Uxie) (unfinished)  
  
ND: wut  
NM: What .  
ND: wut  
NM: What .  
ND: wut  
NM: Are you doing this on purpose ?  
ND: i dont get wat were tryin to do  
NM: We are trying to improve your spelling and grammar .  
NM: We are failing .  
ND: oh  
ND: rly  
NM: My question was therefore pertaining to whether you are intentionally mispelling things .  
NM: Are you ?  
ND: dunno  
ND: i just type + words hapen  
ND: + im not good at words stuff  
ND: deoxys dont usuly use words  
ND: speakin is inef  
ND: inevish  
NM: Inefficient ?  
ND: yea

* * *

swordBravo (Cobalion), scimitarGamma (Virizion), cumuloBurnout (Thundurus) and stockadeUpheaval (Tapu Bulu) (unfinished)  
  
[autotranscribed]  
SG:  
SG:  
SG: That went… surprisingly poorly.  
CB: /\/ A-HAH!  
SU: I wasn’t paying attention.  
SU: What happened?  
CB: /\/ awesomeness is what happened  
SG: Is that what we’re calling it?  
SG: I think Cobalion has a concussion.  
CB: /\/ it doesnt qualify as awesome until a spectator takes it in the face  
SG: Cobalion was *behind* you.  
CB: /\/ 360 degree coverage  
CB: /\/ what up  
SU: Were we even testing for 360 degree coverage?  
SG: No.  
SG: I thought you said you knew Thunderbolt?  
CB: /\/ duh  
CB: /\/ but thunder does a lot more damage  
CB: /\/ and looks cooler too  
SG: We were testing for accuracy, not damage or… ‘coolness’.  
CB: /\/ if you hit everything you dont need accuracy  
CB: /\/ qed  
SB: Urrrgh.  
CB: /\/ dammit he wasnt out for as long as i thought he would be  
CB: /\/ ill have to work on that

* * *

mordantConcept (Reshiram) and oddityOdyssey (Hoopa) (unfinished)  
  
OO: yeah!  
OO: like hoopa said  
OO: assrocket!  
MC: I’M SURE THERE ARE BETTER WAYS TO DESCRIBE IT THAN THAT.  
OO: buttengine?  
OO: derrieremotor?  
OO: face it its a rocket and its on your butt  
MC: IT IS MY *TAIL*.  
OO: but tails are boring

* * *

chasingMendacity (Zekrom) and thunderKitty (Zeraora) (unfinished)  
  
CM: BUT YOU’RE GOING TO ANYWAY.  
CM: RIGHT?  
TK: Gah  
TK: Fine  
TK: This had better be fuckin worth it  
TK: I want you to give me a suggestion for something I can get Zapdos  
CM: MAGIC WORD.  
TK: Fuck  
CM: WRONG ONE.  
TK: …  
TK: Please

* * *

unilateralNucleate (Diancie), solarMaverick (Solgaleo), mechaMarvel (Magearna) and sevenStar (Marshadow) (unfinished)  
  
solarMaverick [SM] joined the memo.  
SM: I heard that a situation was evolving that was relevant to my area of expertise.  
SM: How may I be of assistance?  
MM: *Nothing is going on, Solgaleo*.*  
MM: *You were likely misinformed*.*  
SS: magearna  
SS: he read it over my shoulder  
MM: *So eavesdropping, then*?*  
SM: I consider it all of my business when my friends are fighting.  
MM: *We’re not fighting*.*  
UN: Were not fighting  
SM: Magearna, you called Diancie a glorified piece of coprolite.  
SM: Diancie, you retaliated by implying unsavory things about Magearna’s build quality.  
SM: That, I think, is sufficient enough to warrant an intervention.  
UN: Marsh  
SS: sorry  
SS: i didn’t even know he was there  
SM: I mean, it’s great to see you engaging, Diancie, considering your usual lack of enthusiasm.  
SM: I just think that enthusiasm could be put to better use than insulting a friend.

* * *

theOne (Arceus) and makeshiftNovelty (Silvally)  
  
MN: No really  
MN: Thank you for the assistance :)  
TO: Silvally, I will gladly relinquish control of the situation to you any time the Ultra Beasts are concerned.  
TO: By this point I think we can consider you the number one authority on them.  
MN: Really?  
MN: What about necrozma  
MN: Hes technically an ultra beast too  
TO: Necrozma has…  
TO: For want of a better definition, a foot in both worlds.  
TO: Is he a Pokemon? Yes.  
TO: Is he an Ultra Beast? Yes.  
TO: While he would be a valuable source of knowledge for how Ultra Beasts think, he cannot boast your level of expertise.  
TO: And, while the actions we all had to take were regrettable, his resulting shattered psyche does not lend itself towards leading.  
MN: Even though Im  
MN: Fake  
TO: You are not fake!  
MN: But I am though  
MN: Pokemon were made by you  
MN: I was made by the humans :(  
TO: As were Mewtwo, Genesect and Magearna.  
TO: I value every bit of their input just as I value everybody else’s.  
TO: In my opinion, that just makes you all even more special.  
MN: Special?  
TO: Absolutely.  
TO: You, all of you, were created as weapons.  
TO: But you have shown time and time again that you are worth far more than that.  
TO: And…  
TO: Yes.  
TO: I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  
MN: A secret  
MN: How little a secret  
TO: That is entirely up to you.  
TO: Out of all of us?  
TO: You are easily amongst the most powerful.  
TO: Myself and the Creation Trio. Mewtwo. Mew. And you.  
MN: :o  
MN: Thats  
MN: I dont really know what to say  
TO: Silvally, you regularly beat Ultra Beasts to within an inch of their life.  
TO: I’m sure you don’t need reminding that Mewtwo could barely scratch that Guzzlord he faced.  
MN: That was just work though  
TO: I wish everybody had your definition of ‘just work’.  
TO: That’s the other thing that earns you that respect.  
TO: Rather than letting that power go to your head, you stay honest with yourself.  
TO: Hm.  
TO: Do you have anything where you live that functions as a mirror?  
MN: I could probably get one  
TO: Do so.  
TO: Then, every morning when you wake up, I want you to look into that mirror.  
TO: I want you to look at yourself.  
TO: And I want you to say this:  
TO: “I AM NOT FAKE.”  
TO: You are by far the youngest of us…  
TO: But do not let that anxiety stay your feet.  
MN: Okay  
MN: Ill give it a go :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was especially happy with that last one. That's the best pep talk of all - one that comes from a literal god.
> 
> Anyway, time for a bit of blathering.
> 
> First off, where I was trying to go with characterization in this version. Since there are so many characters some of them tend to blur together, so I tried a bit harder to give everybody their own voice. I've already talked about Mew being especially toxic. For her dialogue partner in this chapter I gave her Shaymin, because - as her handle suggests - she's relentlessly optimistic, and the best way to counter somebody behaving like that is to just smile and laugh. I don't know if I've brought it across particularly well but Giratina is intended to show at least some level of autism, not picking up on the social clues particularly well. And the party has to have its share of jerks. Mew, Victini, Cobalion, Zeraora, Kyurem. You have to like to dislike them, though.
> 
> I had everybody's God Tier roles planned out. With any remake, though, a couple of them might change. In particular, because I made a miscount at an earlier point, this version has the Forces of Nature (Tornadus, Thundurus, Landorus) share a single title. This was because, since there are 12 aspects and 12 classes, I could have five instances of each, totalling up to 60, then two lords and two muses (Arceus and the Creation Trio), up to 64. Since a remake would also include Melmetal, Eternatus, Urshifu, Calyrex and Zarude I'll just have to throw nice numbers out the window.
> 
> The last thing I want to mention is about Ho-oh, and what he and Suicune separately mentioned in the above chapter. The concept is that the phoenix's revival is not a smooth process and releases a huge explosion of energy. Admittedly it gets a little dark because Ho-oh reaches the point where his body will happily go on living but he can't actually do anything, so he has one of the beasts finish him off. The last time it was supposed to be Raikou, as the oldest, but he ran away and Entei had to do it. In-game, Raikou would reach the end of his character development arc and finally be the one to do the deed this time, but get caught in the ensuing explosion and die (and through some trickery subsequently God Tier as the Page of Doom).
> 
> And then because I wanted to whiplash the mood, Ho-oh would God Tier as the Seer of Light, only his rebirth comes with the unexpected consequence of a full personality reset and for the next portion of the story at least he would be a ditzy valley girl.
> 
> So from here? Like I said in the opening notes, I want to rework everything to make it more accessible. Whether this means turning it into a full-on Homestuck-like fan adventure, with both narration and chatlogs, or just significantly increasing the number and variety of the logs themselves, I don't know yet. I at least want to give each character a Homestuck-like introduction. The reader enters this particular version of the story through Entei, who doesn't receive that much characterization beyond 'he doesn't want to be here'.
> 
> But if you liked the story, thank you for reading! I'm going to leave the chapter total open-ended just to give an indication that the story isn't in fact finished, but otherwise, the story ends with this uncensored quote from Mew during the Legendarium memo.
> 
> MEW: you'd better not be forgetting whose dna you're using, bitch  
> MEW: IT'S MINE  
> MEW: YOU'RE JUST A CHEAP KNOCKOFF WITH DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR WHO THINKS HE CAN PLAY WITH THE BIG BOYS


	14. Legendtrapped Beta Announcement

theOne [TO] began pestering catsClone [CC].  
TO: We’re starting again.  
CC: what?  
CC: why?  
TO: Among other things, adding additional characterization, not letting the story run away to skip to the good parts, and increasing accessibility for people who have no idea what Homestuck is.  
CC: …what’s homestuck?  
TO: Exactly.  
TO: This is beyond even my authority. This comes down from the top.  
CC: from the  
CC: right, right. not questioning it.  
TO: It’s also a good opportunity to add the legendaries and mythicals who were missing the first time around.  
TO: That brings the total number of players up to 76, which is actually a nice number, all things considered.  
CC: why?  
TO: (6x12)+4.  
CC: …that still doesn’t make any sense.  
TO: It will eventually, if not to your current incarnation.  
TO: So, then, I would like to announce that this conversation will bring the Alpha test of Legendtrapped to a close, and that at the end of the week, on 6/12, the Legendtrapped Beta will begin.  
CC: …isn’t it august?  
TO: The story will start again.  
TO: However, while some conversations will remain the same, a good deal have been reworked for better flow, additional characters, and better explanation of how things work.  
TO: Plus no longer will the story only progress through the means of chat logs. While it will remain our primary method of communication, narrative segments have been introduced.  
TO: While jumping around must occur as there are a lot of characters to introduce, some new aids have also been provided to make it more obvious who is speaking, or who the narrative is focusing on.  
CC: what do you mean by that?  
TO: Bear with me one moment.

CC: what the  
TO: You see?  
TO: Admittedly we’re going to have to find a more permanent solution for hosting them, since relying on Imgur for 76+ images is a little over the top.  
TO: But we’ll work something out.  
TO: Mewtwo?  
CC: sorry, but… you couldn’t have found a better picture of me?  
TO: Mewtwo, rest assured when I say that yours is by far from the worst picture.  
TO: All of them were hand drawn.  
TO: There is a new story ‘cover’ image too, which will be gracing the top of the new first chapter.  
TO: So, please, to those who enjoyed this version of the story, please consider giving the Beta version a read as well.  
TO: Most conversations you will have read in the Alpha will appear in the Beta, eventually.  
TO: But a little bit more attention is being paid to continuity, flow, and, again, general rework.  
CC: this means we’re going to have to forget all of this, aren’t we.  
TO: I’m afraid so.  
CC: can’t we save even a little bit? there were some… events… that i’d rather know about beforehand.  
TO: You know the rules, Mewtwo.  
TO: We’ve got to go back.  
OT: we gotta go back, marty!  
TO:  
CC:  
TO: …There will also be less reliance on Celebi as a device for making cheap time-travel jokes.  
CC: how did she even get in here? this is a private conversation!  
TO: We should wrap this up before any more surprises happen.  
TO: *ahem*  
TO: Again, thank you for participating in the Legendtrapped Alpha, and we hope to see you in the Beta version.  
CC: …so what happens now?  
TO: Now I do *this* and *this* and…</span></p>

</div>

</div>

</alpha>

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You heard the God. You are welcomed this coming Friday 6/12 to join the Legendtrapped Beta, featuring images (wow!) a fuller roster of legendaries (cool!) and actual narrative (o>o). No rushing to introduce as many characters as possible, no reliance on the reader knowing exactly what Homestuck is all about. Updates will be slower, since with this version I had most of it written up before posting, but with any luck it'll be easier to follow. And, if all goes well, I may even be able to open up the floor to a couple of user commands. We'll see how it goes.
> 
> For the record though, the avatars will only show up either when a character is switched to, or for one-on-one conversations. If I had them for memos as well it'd start getting a little _too_ busy.


End file.
